How to Fall Down Stairs

Your mother should’ve taught you, “There’s a right way to do everything.”

That includes falling down a flight of stairs.

Here’s how stunt men do it. The difference is they expect to fall down the stairs, they’re ready for it, and they’ve practiced a lot. We just slip and fall.

But heck, it’s just like I learned in judo school, many years ago: tuck your chin against your chest, protect your head, and don’t stick your arms out. After a few thousand practice falls, you’ll have it down pat.

Then you can practice falling down the stairs.

5 comments on “How to Fall Down Stairs

  1. I don’t think I’d be interested in perfecting that practice. Not at my age.
    I’d like to suggest a worship song: Majesty. There are several good versions on youtube.

  2. What you stated might work sometimes, however…

    We have 14, sharp-edged tile steps leading to our apartment.

    I did a gymnastic routine on those steps again, a kind of flying, crash combination. It had been raining, and at times water leaks onto the steps, making them slippery, like stepping on a banana peel. When I hurry (as I always do) out on errands and descend those precarious stairs, I always hold tightly to the railing, so if I slip, I don’t descend all the way to the bottom. However, this time, just like a swiftly running dog on a long length of chain attached to its collar, when it gets to the end, will stop suddenly, but its forward momentum will cause its body and legs to be flung forward, and land on its back. My hand was anchored to the railing, and my arm became my chain. So, when my feet suddenly went out from under me, my body went up and came down very hard on my back, on top of the tile steps with their distinct edges. It took me a while before I could get up. I just lay there thinking; man, this really hurts! I bumped my head so hard I had a headache for three days. I hit my right arm so forcefully I thought it broke, it didn’t, but a big bump formed within a few minutes. I smacked the back of both ankles hard enough to leave big colorful bruises and put a large painful bruise on my backbone. But the most painful place was my tailbone. For days afterward, it was hard to sit down, and two weeks later it still hurt.

    It seems I just can’t help but perform interesting stunts, wonderful things to write about. There is good news, I did make it to my 69th birthday, and everything is still attached. I haven’t broken off or lost any body parts, and almost everything is still in good working order! Although, at times I do lose my mind and it may take days before I find it.

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