Run For President–But Don’t Lose

1792 guillotine explained

Time for another peek into the crystal ball!

Jan. 6, 2028: Our Democrat Congress passes the “Don’t Lose!” bill, providing for the execution of unsuccessful presidential candidates.

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Shoofly explains, “We got the idea from the ancient Maya ball game, in which the captain of the losing team was beheaded–which got him out of the way for good! No more Election Denial–which of course we made a criminal offense after we racked up 180 million votes for President Biden’s re-election in 2024. After all the whining Republicans made about that, it became obvious that the only thing we can do to ensure the domestic tranquility was to put the losing candidate to death.”

“We will never have another Donald Trump running all around the country claiming that we cheated,” said Speaker of the House Alexandria Occasional Cortex. “All that does is rile people up and force us to declare another Pandemic just to keep them off the streets. One of these days they’ll realize that we do these things for their own good!”

Although attorneys in all 50 states filed objections and lawsuits, the Supreme Court ruled the plaintiffs had no standing and declined to rule on any cases.

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