How Do I Prove My ‘Commitment to Diversity’?

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Boy howdy! I want to be a janitor at East Washington University–but there’s a catch. They want me to submit a “Diversity Statement” and prove my commitment to Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Well, here’s my proof.

*I have Jane Fonda pinups all over my apartment.

*Somewhere I’ve got a bunch of Pete Seeger record albums.

*I have a Master’s degree in Nothing Studies.

*I was in a Black Lives Matter demonstration and threw a brick through a store window.

*My dog is named Che.

*I can wear a dress, if that’s what it takes to show my commitment to Transgender Rights.

*I once sent money to Planned Parenthood.

Well, East Washington? Do you want somebody whose mind is right sweeping the floors of your classrooms, or some MAGA White Supremacist Biggit? The choice is yours–and I am Pro-Choice, big-time!

[Disclaimer: I don’t know who wrote this, but he’s obviously on the right track.]

8 comments on “How Do I Prove My ‘Commitment to Diversity’?

  1. Good disclaimer. May get you a few years off your term in the gulag — or a few more years, once they understand your final clause. They’ll decide at your show trial.

  2. This is very depressing. How about a bit of humor…

    The August sun beat down on the field of corn. It was so hot, the corn started to pop. The cows thought it was snowing, and many froze to death.

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