Bad news! The publishers keep rejecting Chapter DXL of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney. But it takes more than that to beat the Queen of Suspense!
“Welcome to Chapter DXLI of my epic romance, Oy, Rodney!” writes Ms. Crepuscular, in an unpublished letter to the London Times. What? “You just published it, dude”? Please stop distracting me!
Whatever happened in the past few chapters has been forgotten as the narrative moves on. Lord Jeremy has yet to fight the duel with himself. Johnno the Merry Minstrel has an infestation of deadly tropical spiders. And we find the American adventurer who thinks he’s Sargon of Akkad, Willis Twombley, drinking Lethe Brown Ale at The Lying Tart.
“I’m worried about Germy,” he announces to the assembled patrons of the pub. As one, they flee screaming to the sidewalk. Mr. Twombley does not notice. “I been short on noticin’ things lately,” he confesses to the vaguely mollusc-like bartender, whose complexion changes from a blue flush to a mottled grey.
“Dear reader,” interjects Ms. Crepuscular, “please lay off the catty comments and the smart-aleck questions about what’s a half-octopus doing, tending bar in an English pub circa 1850. I am one of only a very few authors who actually practice diversity! And now you’ve made me lose my place, where was I…?”
Tune in for more suspense next week.
[Editor’s Note: What was with the bitter tea? Search me! Nobody tells me anything.]
For several of the bar-keeps I’ve met, becoming an octopus would be a major step upward. Violet, you’ve lifted my spirits, yet again. 🙂
Does this novel even HAVE a plot any more? 😬
It’s hard to keep a plot line for 500 chapters.
🤣🤣🤣