Ginsu Knives at Dawn (‘Oy, Rodney’)

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We are at the point in Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, where no one seems to know what chapter this is supposed to be. Let us call it Chapter DXLVI. If the number turns out to be wrong… who’ll notice?

“Today,” writes Ms. Crepuscular, “is the day you’ve all been waiting for!” (Speak for yourself, Vi.) “Yes! Today Lord Jeremy Coldsore will meet himself in a duel to the death with Ginsu knives!” She dismisses those who point out the anachronism. “I never accept criticism from pygmies!” she declares. “Let them flourinate!”

Meanwhile, the duel has hit a snag.

“How the blazes am I supposed to stand back-to-back with myself?” Lord Jeremy protests to the referee, one Merv Griffin (I just work here!). “You can try standing face-to-face,” Merv ululates. By now a crowd has gathered, but it is already breaking up. Someone has heard a rumor of free toothpaste crackers.

There’s also a problem with who gets the choice of weapons. The two Ginsu knives in the cookie tin look exactly alike. Jeremy cannot help suspecting there’s a cheat in it somewhere.

But you will have to tune in next week to find out!

(Editor’s Note: All in favor of bagging this whole “Queen of Suspense” thing, say “Rhinoceros.”

4 comments on “Ginsu Knives at Dawn (‘Oy, Rodney’)

  1. Someone could get hurt, but I suspect that in the end, the ginsu knives will come out on the losing end.

  2. Aha, I have a solution! (Actually two solutions, but one is even more preposterous than the other.) Lord Jeremy can easily stand either back-to-back or face-to-face with a full-length mirror and thus duel with himself easily. No fatalities, except maybe flying shrapnel from the sword breaking against the mirror (or vice versa) — but unfortunately no winners either. No matter. The important part is that the duel has taken place and honor has been preserved. And when Lord Jeremy leaves the field, the mirror Jeremy will disappear. Ta-dah!

    The more dangerous possibility (and I think the more preposterous one, although I may be mistaken) is for Lord Jeremy and Willis Twombley to duel, since Lady Margo thinks they’re the same person anyway. However, in this case the wrong person (whoever that may be) might win. Or Twombley may not want to fight over….. Um, I can’t seem to remember what the duel was supposed to be about. Can anyone remember? Including Lord Jeremy? Or Violet Crepuscular?

    Ms. Crepuscular is indeed the “Queen of Suspense.” She dassn’t stop now. (Note to non-New-Yorkers: “dassn’t” is Old New Yorkese for “dare not.”)

    1. Mr. Twombley didn’t get where he is today by losing duels. The mirror sounds like the best bet, unless you factor in the seven years’ bad luck.

    2. Seven years of bad luck sounds like a description of this novel! 🤣🤣🤣 (Just joshing. Don’t stop!)

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