G’day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, with your post-Halloween weekend television, brought to you by Quokka University where Pick-Up Stix is king! Here are a few samples of what’s in store for you.
7 P.M. Ch. 14 I AM A HAMSTER–Schlockumentary
Join host Marty Prolapse, who identifies as a hamster, in his search for people who are even more screwed-up than he is. Tonight: Has Marty met his match? This woman identifies as “an alligator with a grudge.” Sponsored by some kind of liver pill.
Ch. 34 SPECIAL REPORT: REVOLT OF THE SKELETONS–News, of a sort
Kizzuwatna Township, Pennsylvania–is it the victim of an ancient Hittite curse that summons animated skeletons to attack the shopping malls? Anchor Dan Lather reports, “We are under siege by skeletons and the State Police don’t believe us!” Special guest stars: The June Taylor Dancers.
8 P.M. Ch. 12 MOVIE–Unbearable suspense
In The President’s Brain is Missing (1988: 17 minutes), President Smiley (Pee Wee Herman) raises suspicions when he orders a nuclear attack on Fowlerville, Michigan. It turns out his brain is missing! Can Special Agent Imble Zanagazza (John Smith) find it before his own coccyx gives out? Song: “I Am Too Debbie Reyolds.”
8:12 P.M. Ch. 63 MY LITTLE SMOOGIE–Sitcom
The most totally weird kid in the whole student body, Smoogie Gefilte (AI-created robot), is named principal of Meterbeater High–and the ousted principal (David Niven look-alike) wants revenge! Meanwhile, Smoogie is in the cafeteria, eating straws. This show was canceled when it was only halfway through production, so you know it must be special.
Well, how about those shows, me hearties? Me, I love those 17-minute movies. I’ll bet they could make ’em even shorter, if they tried.
Be sure to grab a lot of yummy green leaves to sweeten your TV time!
G’Day, Byron, ol boy. On it, as usual, good job.
Ah, I can just see the June Taylor Dancers leading a conga line (or a can-can line?) of dancing skeletons! But before I place a wager on the outcome of the meeting between the hamster- and alligator-identifiers, I want to see the relative sizes of the two physical specimens — and I don’t mean the size of their relatives.
I AM A HAMSTER–Schlockumentary – I can’t watch this one because I am sick and tired of anything dealing with trannies. SPECIAL REPORT: REVOLT OF THE SKELETONS – Now this one sounds interesting because it’s skeletons and not zombies (which I am also sick and tire of). Ch. 12 MOVIE–Unbearable suspense – another interesting one. I love the idea of ridiculing our present President. Ch. 63 MY LITTLE SMOOGIE–Sitcom – being an high school sub teacher I can’t pass this one up.
I was wondering, couldn’t the June Taylor Dancers just kick out the legs from under the skeletons?
(You peeked!)