G’day, fellow TV connoisseurs! (Did I spell that right? Holy cow!) Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of soul-enhancing television brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s a little sample of our menu!
6:30 P.M. Ch. 08 SHERLOCK HOLMES, PAPERBOY–Mystery
What if the world’s greatest detective had been a paperboy instead? Francis Bacon: “It boggles the mind!” This week: Holmes (Rory Calhoun) forgets where he’s supposed to pick up his stack of today’s newspapers. Mr. Cone: Baba the Giant. The Fish Sisters: June Taylor Dancers.
Ch. 14 BEAT THE CROCK–Game show
Can someone from the studio audience assemble a model airplane faster than the drunken celebrity guest? Hostess: Sen. Elizabeth Warren. This week’s plastered celebrities: What, do you think we’re crazy? Like we want to get sued? You’ll know ’em when you see ’em.
6:45 P.M. Ch. 03 MOVIE–MR. WHOOPSY’S INNER CONFLICT–Penetrating psychic analysis
Can Mr. Whoopsy (Ray Milland) fight off insanity by finding pants that fit better? This Swiss-Malaysian collaboration, released (from where?) in 1972, also stars Tom Poston, Peggy Cass, and a whole raft of game show panelists from the 1970s.
7:02 P.M. Ch. 41 YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL!–Alternate reality
Have you ever wondered what great speeches would sound like if the speaker had his mouth full of food? (If you haven’t, you might want to watch something else.) Marc Antony’s speech at Julius Caesar’s funeral, by William Shakespeare, comes out as “Mffr! Glbbhm! Cucclrgn!” Also featured: William Jennings Bryan’s “Cross of Gold” speech, rendered completely unintelligible by a robust sub sandwich.
And if none of these appeals to you, may I humbly recommend Sagebrush Sam, Quokka Cowboy? It’s all out back in the Outback!
Ernie the Quokka, pictured above, once signed by jack-o’-lantern!
Byron the Quokka, signing off.
Hi, Byron. I remember Ironside- and some of the others. These were a lot better shows than anything that is aired now. Cute little guy up there.
SHERLOCK HOLMES, PAPERBOY–Mystery – Anything that boggles Francis Bacon’s mind I am in. BEAT THE CROCK–Game show – This reminds me of the Johnny Carson Show whenever he had the Rat Pack on because they would all be drunk. 6:45 P.M. Ch. 03 MOVIE–MR. WHOOPSY’S INNER CONFLICT–Penetrating psychic analysis – This one looks interesting because I am a sucker for nostalgia. YOU SAID A MOUTHFUL!–Alternate reality – No thanks, Byron, on this one – I can’t stand it when people talk with their mouth full.