Tag: crazy TV shows

Byron’s TV Listings, Jan. 21

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

multiple image galleries

G’day! Herman the Giant Millipede here, filling in for Byron the Quokka, who’s–oh, never mind, here he comes!

Thank you, Herman. Sorry I’m late, folks. Without any more ado, here are samples of Quokka University’s weekend television treasures.

7 P.M.  Ch. 03   WINNING AT CHESS BY MAKING GROTESQUE FACES–(It is what it sounds like)

He may not be a grand master or even a mediocre chess player… but he can turn his face practically inside-out. Yes, it’s Joey Tkachvaevsky, who has literally made some of his opponents faint when they see his antics. Warning: not the show for children, they’ll have nightmares for a week!

Ch. 08  PROJECT MOHOLE: CONTINUED!–Science news

Remember Project Mohole, way back when? You used to read about it in “My Weekly Reader.” And then they shut it down because it just didn’t seem like a good way to spend money anymore. But Angelo “Bud” MacChesney, armed with pick and shovel, now digs where Mohole left off–and he’s on his way down, all the way down to the Moho Discontinuity, where things happen that can’t be explained here. Song: “I’m in the Mood for Contortions.”

7:18 P.M.   Ch. 22   NEWS WITH PETER THE HERMIT–Supernatural

He’s not into leading children’s crusades anymore! Now, through professional medium Donna Glutenbauer, Peter the Hermit delivers “News from the Other Side.” Find out what some of history’s most famous dead people have been doing in the last thousand years or so. Critical response runs the gamut from “A shameful fraud” to “Someone needs to go to jail for this!”

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 09   N.Y. METS VS. STELTON CADAVERS–Bladderball

The new game that’s taking professional sports by storm! Rubber bladders filled with sticky diet soda–how far can a baserunner get before somebody breaks a “bladder” over his head? Play-by-play: Jane Austen. Color commentary: Richard “I swear I’ll kill my agent!” Burton. With Maury Povitch and his orchestra.

8 P.M.  Ch. 56   MOVIE–Shakespearean science-fiction with marbles

In “Who Done Do My Tragedy” (Taiwanese, 1998), King Lear (Charles Bronson) is taken aboard a Klingon starship and taught how to “Zmumzowee.” Will it be enough to put things right? Master Gukakk: Roddy McDowell. Capt. Yashyash: Sandy Duncan. Cordelia: Barbara Stanwyck. Duke Snider: Scatman Crothers. Special appearance, having absolutely nothing to do with the plot, by the June Taylor Dancers.

Well, boys ‘n’ girls, how do you like those apples? I mean, you can chew up your whole weekend just watching these fabulous TV shows! I’ll bet I will

6 Surprising Facts About Quokkas

Baby picture, Mom & me… quite some years ago! Byron the Quokka, signing off.

 

Byron’s TV Listings, Dec. 17

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

TV Guide listing for NYC, early Friday evening September 17 (1971) : r/VintageTV

Holy moly, it’s almost Christmas! Time to line the ol’ nest with some fresh grass. And time to sit back and groove on some of these great TV shows collected by Quokka University.

7:34 P.M.  Ch. 72   MOVIE–Indescribable (good luck with it)

Ignore those mean-spirited critics who said Sammy the Samurai (Bolivian, 1982) was “what a movie would look like if monkeys made it.” Leo Gorcey plays a demoralized samurai searching for pastrami. Mr. Greenjeans: Gil Hodges. Doris the Tree Sloth: Heather Locklear. Man with lots of hang-ups: Bill Harzia.

7:45 P.M.  Ch. 16   TOTALLY MADE-UP NEWS THAT WON’T FOOL ANYONE–News

Join co-anchors Bud Abbot and Lou Costello for the absolute worst in TV journalism! Really, if you believe anything this show reports, you need a rubber room. Sports: Chiang Kai-shek. Weather: Sandy Duncan. Featured: the June Taylor Dancers.

8 P.M.  Ch. 08   CELEBRITY PARKING–Game Show

Which of the celebrity contestants will find and claim the only open parking space in Metuchen, NJ? Better succeed! Losers are put to death. Tonight’s contestants: Whoopi Goldberg, Cher, Keith Olberman, Madame Pompadour, Taras Bulba. Host: Some poor guy with a lot of parasites.

Ch. 14   MY LITTLE MUMSY–Sitcom

Mumsy is a 45-foot-long sea serpent that doesn’t like living on land–and in the suburbs, no less. Her “mommy” (Debbie Reyolds) and “daddy” (Warren G. Harding) have to protect her from Captain Ahab (Tim Conway), fanatic with a harpoon. Tonight: Mumsy destroys the local 7-11.

8:30 P.M.  Ch. 25   SPARKY THE CAT–Superhero series

Bugs McGrew (believed to be played by Sir Ralph Richardson) by day is a non-entity in charge of America’s nuclear arsenal. But when he squeezes the catnip mouse in his pocket, the transforms instantly into Sparky the Cat! This week: Sparky gets tangled up in Bugs’ clothes and unknowingly hits the “Launch” button.

Well, you can’t beat these, can you? I know I can’t!

Quokka photos by Alex Cearns perfect for 2020 | news.com.au — Australia's leading news site

Byron the Quokka, signing off…

Byron’s TV Listings, Dec. 3

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Great 70's TV lineup!! | Tv guide, Vintage tv, Classic television

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–and if you’re not out Christmas shopping, or if you’ve been shopping and you’re tuckered out, Quokka University has just what you need! Great TV shows, of course. Like these.

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 05  COUNTRY QUACK–Tasteless sitcom

Doc Fugu (H. P. Lovecraft) convinces Mrs. Wadman (Rita Moreno) that she’s given birth to kittens; but he’s unwittingly started a feud with Mrs. Shrike (Debbie Reynolds), who last year supposedly gave birth to eight baby rabbits. Watch the June Taylor Dancers get caught in the crossfire!

Ch. 10  NEWS WITH BATTLIN’ BILLY–News and fisticuffs

The famous baseball manager (oh, come on, he’s famous! you don’t need his name) anchors a staff of reporters who really irritate him, and he doesn’t mind saying it with his fists. Tonight: Dan Rather gets pushed down the stairs and Billy’s carried off in handcuffs. Substitute co-anchors: Shari Lewis and Lambchop.

7:46 P.M. Ch. 19  CELEBRITY PRANK SHOP–Game

What happens when Taylor Swift finds a cobra in her bed? Can Chuck Connors stop his car after they drain out all the brake fluid? And how about those missing steps in Mia Farrow’s house? Wait’ll she gets up at night to have a glass of water! Host: Jimmy Fraud.

8 P.M.  Ch. 15  MOVIE–Sharp social commentary and pretentious babble

In “Who’s That Jidrool Who Doesn’t Like Me Anymore?” (Icelandic, 2004), Dustin Hoffman plays a down-and-out wine taster who’s given a second chance by Mothman (Nigel Bruce). Complications arise when he falls in love with a woman (Totie Fields) who thinks she’s an electric blender. Music score by some kook in Reykjavik.

Ch. 28  CAPTAIN ONIONHEAD–Science fiction Western

Capt. Onionhead (Buster Crabbe) has to use all his ingenuity to save Professor Carbuncle (William Lundigan) from crazed space pirates led by Lulu Smythe (Susan Sontag). One false move, and we lose Wyoming! Cute but Dispensable Sidekick: Sam Jaffe. Secret Agent Disguised as Baby-sitter: Mike Mazurki.

I don’t know if it’s true that watching shows like this makes you irresistible to phone scammers; I prefer to think of us as providing a sorely-needed luxury to the human race.

Quokka: [PHOTOS] This wildlife photographer's love for Quokka has made the animal an Instgaram famous star | Trending & Viral News

Byron the Quokka, signing off…

Byron’s TV Listings, Nov. 12

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

1985 TV Guide (FAMILY TIES/MICHAEL J. FOX/THE A-TEAM/JAMIE ROSE/LADY BLUE)) | eBay

G’day, everybody! I hope you’ve set aside enormous blocks of time for TV viewing, because we’ve outdone ourselves this week, bringing you the hit shows that never had an audience! Here’s a brief sample from our menu:

8:45 P.M.  Ch. 03  NEWS WITH LIVERWURST–News & commentary

Join Mr. Schlockengruber at the Garden State butcher’s counter, while he serves up the day’s news while serving his customers, too. Is it any wonder that he sometimes gets mixed up? But you’ve got to see him wield that cleaver whenever it’s Congress in the news. Weather: Carlos the Delivery Guy (he would know).

9 P.M.  Ch. 08  THE W TEAM–Action & Inaction

The A Team’s busy, the B Team’s all shot up, and eventually we work way down to the W Team (“When it really doesn’t matter, send for us!”). Pro wrestling legend Silvano Magucci (Dean Rusk) leads his team (Salvador Dali, Theda Bara, Elmer the Bull–he provides the glue–and Ernie Bushmiller) in one hazardous but completely unimportant assignment after another. Tonight: Find Ted Mack’s dentures.

Ch. 14  THE BARE FACTS–Lewd sitcom

What happens when a retired superhero (Bob Costas) opens a nudist colony in Alaska? WARNING: Much of this show had to be blacked out. Especially those parts with the June Taylor Dancers. And the mosquitoes and black flies. This week: Ozzie (Francisco Franco) loses his pants in a strip poker game. [We do not see the point of playing strip poker at a nudist colony, but apparently the focus group likes it.]

Ch. 33  TONS O’ TALK–Celebrity talk & variety

Jimmy Fraud interviews celebrities you never heard of! Icepick Sam, Dr. Foo the Mad Dentist, Susan Gesundheit… Hear him ask the questions you would ask if you had any idea why these people are famous! With the Karamazov Bros. and their orchestra.

9:08 P.M.  Ch. 56  MOVIE–Marital Arts

In Secret Techniques of the Drunken Water-Dowser (Chinese-Canadian, 1998), a disgraced Mountie (Groucho Marx, CG) enters Hung Lo Monastery, where Master Chee (Larry Storch) teaches him secret techniques. Meanwhile, Bigfoot (Linda Hunt) ravages the countryside–and the monks can’t seem to stop it. Can Sgt. Woo Wei Shu recover his honor by kung-fuing Bigfoot into oblivion? Song: “I’ve Got Spurs That Jingle-Jangle-Jingle.”

Well, that’s that! Someday the whole world will shut down just so people can tune in to Quokka University for thrills ‘n’ chills.

Meet the Quokka

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Nov. 5

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

TV Guide October 27-Nov 2 1984 (5) - Flashbak

G’day, shipmates! Byron the Quokka here–unlike that pantaloon Joe Collidge, I can find my tail with both hands–but even better, I’ve found your weekend TV menu! Here are a few samples to inflame your curiosity.

8:30 P.M.  Ch. 42  GRABBUM GENERAL HOSPITAL–Melodrama

Who said soap operas can only be shown in the daytime? What else would you call it when Dr. DiBono (Mendel Rivers) chases Nurse Knox (Joey Heatherton) all around the operating theater while the hapless patient (Sidney Greenstreet) tries to stitch himself closed after surgery? Guest star: Roderick Usher.

Ch. 44  RAWHIDE IN AFRICA–Western set in the East

What do the cowboys of Rawhide do in between cattle drives? They drink and gamble away their pay and have to take second jobs! And this job is a doozy–herding wild gnus across the Serengeti Plain, vexed by lions, leopards, and unfriendly local people. Eric Fleming and young Clint Eastwood star–with all footage shot in luxurious Scotland.

8:43 P.M.  Ch. 56  MR. FIX-IT NEWS–Yes, it’s news

Kill two birds with one stone! Bobby the Recluse shows you how to deal with clogged sinks and balky toilets while Carmen Miranda (computer-generated, but you’d never guess it) sings and dances the day’s top news stories. Weather: Johnny Cash.

9 P.M.  Ch. 06  MOVIE–Pastoral science fiction tragedy

In “Mistress Bumbles’ Labor Lost” (Pre-Columbian Studios, 2008), Director Pie Traynor improves on Shakespeare by ascribing his own script to The Bard. Mistress Bumble (Lucy Lawless) turns into Xena Warrior Princess whenever she emerges from her country cottage; and the man she loves, barefoot shepherd Jim Northrup (Omar Sharif), can’t make up his mind–about anything! Featured: the June Taylor Dancers as sheep.

Ch. 11  PLEASE DON’T EAT THE POISON IVY–Sitcom

Bucky (Max Von Sydow) wants to join the Spanish Foreign Legion, but Mom (Heather Locklear) and Uncle Fidget (Taras Bulba) try to stop him by walling him up in his room. Meanwhile, Poppa (Andy Devine) gets a job as a tightrope walker. Special guest star: a live Tyrannosaurus.

Well! You can’t miss these shows, can you? I guess you could, but you’d surely be the poorer for it.

Happy quokka says hi

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Oct. 29

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV December 15th through 21st, 1979

Blimey, only two days left till Halloween! Better get my El Kabong costume out of mothballs.

G’day, all! Byron the Quokka here, with indescribably wonderful TV viewing for your weekend. I mean, we’re talking “Soak your brain!” Here are a few samples.

4:37 P.M.  Ch. 06  QUICKIE NEWS–(It might give you a headache)

What do you get when you take last night’s 60-minute news show and speed it up so it can be watched in just three minutes? You get Rottnest Island’s most popular news broadcast! And maybe a bout of queasiness to go with it. Anchor: Sid the Parrot.

4:40 P.M.  Ch. 06  MOVIE–Underwater adventure

Now that the three-minute world news is over, relax with Who Be Digging Up the Coral? (Indo-Jamaican, 1987: 360 minutes, counting commercials). Rishi Vijaya Gupta stars as a cynical but idealistic chain store magnate who seeds coral reefs off Jamaica so he can plant “treasure” in them and dig it up later. The bloodthirsty but benign local sheriff (Elston Howard) opposes him. Mrs. Hashimoto: Heather Locklear.

5 P.M.  Ch. 12  JIMMY FRAUD PRESENTS–Variety

What a lineup! The June Taylor Dancers dance to the Guatemalan Runner-Up National Orchestra’s rendition of “I Got Coccyx Troubles,” Al Gore recites “Dinner With Dracula,” and The Amazing Bruno tries again to re-materialize, having de-materialized three weeks ago. Jimmy’s Monologue: “Why I Deserve a Raise.”

Ch. 20   WIDE WORLD OF STUPID–Sports

Chiang Kai-shek and Minnie Pearl host this hideous display of misbegotten fake “sports” shunned by the other networks! Now you can see ’em all: tightrope-pogosticking, wasps’-nest bothering, soccer with a bowling ball (those headers are murder!), getting stuck inside the clothing donation bin, and so much more!

5:30 P.M.  Ch. 26  JUMPIN’ SPINNIN’ KICKS–Kung-fu crime drama

Dragon Bone Hill, Iowa, has an all-girl police force–and criminals beware! Every one of these beauties can wipe you out with secret jumpin’ spinnin’ kicks, taught by Master Wong Wei (Claude Akins). They can also leap backwards 20 feet in the air! This week: Hot on the trail of a misgendering ring, Officer Schadenfreude (Christie Brinkley) accidentally leaps onto the wing of a jet plane passing overhead. Hysterical passenger: William Shatner.

How about that, folks? Did you ever think you’d see that kind of programming on your TV? I’m lucky if I get any at all.

Quokka - The Australian Museum

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 10

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Let's Read TV Guide, March 1976! – The Avocado

G’day! Byron the Quokka here. Not only do I have to compete with Joe Collidge for viewers; our TV offerings have to go up against “An exotic strip teaser strangled! 9 PM Every Weeknight.” How do they even find five exotic strip teasers to strangle every week? I don’t think we have any here on Rottnest Island.

9 P.M.  Ch. 10  CRIMES OF DOUBLE PASSION–Shameless rip-off

(I was outvoted when they decided to broadcast this!) Jimbo the Serial Bad Guy (Buddy Ebsen) insists on playing “Oh, Suzannah” on his harmonica to his victims before he strafes them with his pea shooter. See his crimes grow more extravagant each week! Can his old grade school principal, Miss Krinkle (Moms Mabley), catch him in time to swat him with a ruler?

Ch. 22  LATE-NITE NEWS WITH REJECTED POETS–News & commentary

“Who cares if it’s true, as long as it rhymes?” is anchor Peter Stumpf’s motto. “Weather in the Altogether,” Dolly Chingatchgook. “Sports of All Sorts,” Manos Arriba. “Movie Reviews for People in Pews,” Linda Fling. “Quokkas With Nokkas” [What?], Starvin’ Marvin McGraw.

9:15 PM  Ch. 34  MOVIE–Melodrama

In “You’ve Got a Destiny the Salamanders Envy” (French, 1969), a middle-aged public school teacher (Pee Wee Herman) and a middle-aged failed rock star (Heather Locklear) come to terms with their need to come to terms–aided by the June Taylor Dancers. Song: Hold on to Your Coccyx, with Alvin the Octopus. 230 minutes of pure captivation.

9:30 PM  Ch. 06  GUNS ABLAZE!–Western/Science-fiction

Pinky Lee stars as Marshal Stevie Blunder, crusading lawman in Peopletown, Arizona. This week: When Silly Sam (wrestler Ivan Koloff) reports man-sized praying mantises heading en masse for the Country Club, no one believes him but Kredulous Kate (Susan Sontag). Blunder finds his work cut out for him when the mantises invade the town and start eating people! Admiral “Where’s My ___ing Boat?” Richards: Louis Jourdan.

10 PM Ch. 56  THE TEMPLE OF DOOM–Game Show

Inspired by the infamous computer game, host Luca Brasi offers fabulous prizes to contestants who survive insanely challenging tests. (Don’t worry! No one actually gets killed.) This week: Studio audience members take on Smitty the Very Hungry and Bad-Tempered Alligator. Winners advance to The Electrified Fence, next week! With former Prime Minister Harold McMillan and his Jug Band.

Well, that ought to keep you in stitches for the weekend! These aren’t my favorite shows, although I always liked the admiral who lost his ship and was looking for it in Arizona. That kind of persistence always pays!

What Is a Quokka? 15 Facts About the "Happiest" Creature on ...

Byron the Quokka, signing off (it’s time to watch TV).

 

Byron’s TV Listings, July 30

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

multiple image galleries

G’day! Would you believe it? Next time I do this, it won’t be August anymore!

Byron the Quokka here for Quokka University, with another weekend of fantastic TV viewing that puts the other networks to shame. Here are just a few selections from our menu.

6:45 P.M.  Ch. 04   COLLEGE BOLE–Scholastic quiz show

Teams from Pimento University and Acme College square off in a multiple-choice showdown! The question: Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb? The choices: a) Jack Benny b) Gordon MacTavish c) Nobody d) Ramesses II. Host: The Man On The Street (he can’t find the sidewalk).

7 P.M.  Ch. 11  EYEWITLESS NEWS–News & commentary

Alvin the Octopus anchors the program unanimously voted “Worst-Ever TV News Show.” Tonight: “Surgery on Roller Skates” and an interview with several traffic cones. Weather: Felix the Mime. Sports: Two more mimes. Sponsored by Bug-B-Gone Hair Spray.

Ch. 21  HENRY! HENRY!–Puppets

What if Henry VIII had had all six of his wives at the same time? What if chopping their heads off did no good, they’d only stick them back on? This week: Catherine of Aragon accidentally orders too much kitty litter, prompting Anne of Cleves to go berserk with a rolling pin. Special guest star: Woodrow Wilson.

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 44  THE PARIAH FAMILY–Sitcom

Tom Smothers stars as Baba Boo-boo, head of the Pariah family that attracts plagues of locusts and lice, financial disaster, apocalyptic weather, and muddled thinking wherever they go. Tonight: Clouds of vampire bats follow the Pariahs to Bunch O’ Burlap Township, Ohio, resulting in complaints. Mayor: Sandy Duncan.

8 P.M.  Ch.36  MOVIE–Paltry excuse for horror and suspense

In “Yumpin’ Yiminy, It Bain de Devil” (Bolivian, 1987), Leo Gorcey and Mikhail Gorbachev lead a Swedish expedition into the unexplored foothills of New Jersey in search of the June Taylor Dancers (played by themselves, with help from a chain gang). Unexpected encounters with pirates and army aunts liven things up! Chief Mooloomoo: Rex Harrison. Witch Doctor: Bud Collier. Tugboat Annie: Shirley Temple.

Well, that should keep you entertained! The first time I saw The Pariah Family, I had nightmares for a week!

Quokka sleeping on park bench.

(Resting up for tonight’s non-stop TV!)

Byron’s TV Listings, April 23

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

Retrospace: TV Guide #19: May 8-14, 1982

G’day! Are you ready for TV that’ll make your tails curl? Well, we’ve got it! Right here.

I’m Byron the Quokka, and this is Quokka UTV’s menu for the weekend. Take a break from playing Clue and catch some of these fantastic shows.

5:37 P.M.  Ch. 06   ON THE POT–News/Commentary

Pay no attention to this show’s unfortunate name; it’s not what you think. Co-anchors Barbie Schnickelgrussen and Sammy the Koala (who doesn’t speak) cover world events that no other news show covers! Winner of the Oh Who Cares! Award for three years running.

6 P.M.   Ch. 16  MY THREE IDIOT SONS–Sitcom/tragedy

Lear and Lois Fishwife (Robert Young, Laura Bush) have their hands full with their three moronic sons, Moe, Larry, and Goofy (all played by hand puppets). This week, Moe is grounded for using dish detergent as salad dressing; and the college sends Larry and Goofy home as punishment for hiding under other students’ beds. Dean Zingo: Harry Guardino. Prof. Zongo: Y.A. Tittle.

Ch. 19   YAN CAN’T COOK BEANS–Cooking show

He can’t cook anything else, either. This is the show that makes your worst culinary disasters look like four stars from Gordon Ramsay. Featuring the June Taylor Dancers, which makes the kitchen kind of crowded, even dangerous, when they do those high kicks. This week: Yan can’t pour Cheerios into a bowl, poor guy.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 29  MOVIE–Hard-boiled crime drama

“The Killer Wore a Sarong” (Turkish-Hittite, 1997) stars Jobbo the Stuffed Gorilla as hard-boiled private eye Rocky Pocky: inspired by the short-lived comic strip, “So Funny Ha-Ha.” Rocky has his work cut out for him when Lt. Freebish (Ugo Tognazzi) makes him the chief suspect in the case of The Sarong Killer. Ignore that crack about “So how do you kill a sarong?” With Alan Greenspan and his orchestra.

Ch. 51   MICKEY MANTLE DOES SHAKESPEARE–Classic drama managled

Only one episode of this unique show was actually aired; but they filmed two dozen of them, and Quokka UTV has got ’em! All of them feature NY Yankees slugger Mickey Mantle trying to describe various Shakespeare plays he never saw, with occasional help from catcher Yogi Berra, who reportedly disliked the show. Mickey’s incredulous reaction to Troilus and Cressida has to be seen to be believed.

Well, that’s that–a small sample of the bliss awaiting you when you tune in to Quokka UTV.

Meet the Quokka

This is Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, April 2

Posted By: leeduigonPosted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1960

Relax! April Fool is over, we can all go back to playing it straight–well, at least with TV listings.

Byron the Quokka here, with this weekend’s frustication of glorious TV. And here are just a few samples.

6 P.M.  Ch. 12  TASTE-TESTING CAT FOOD–(Indescribable)

Our panel of celebrities (who have all done something wrong, and are trying to get out of it) taste-test new brands of cat food. This week’s panel: Chuck Connors, Chiang Kai-shek, Miss America, and Queen Juliana of the Netherlands. Featuring the June Taylor Dancers in the background.

6:14 P.M.  Ch. 19  JIMMY FRAUD’S JOURNAL–Sloppy news reporting

America’s most credulous journalist interviews a man in Yimpton, New Jersey, who once saw Rachel Ray in a car somewhere. Also featured: Semifinals of the annual Forgotten World Leaders Impersonations in Tajikistan, Vermont. Great imitation of that guy Whatsisname in Indonesia!

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 06  MOVIE–Greek tragedy

In “Oedipus Wrecks” (Chinese-Hittite, 1997), the jolly Greek king (Soupy Sales) finds out he gouged out his eyes for nothing: his mother and father are still alive and well and vacationing in Acapulco, they were only kidding about being dead. Just how far can Oedipus take a joke? Oracle: Jimmy Durante. Queen Annabell: Phyllis Diller.

Ch. 32  YANCY POPGUN–Western drama

How dangerous was it to roam the Wild West armed only with a toy gun that you insist is real? Yancy (Elisha Cook Jr.) never backs down from a showdown! This week: An innocent little boy (Dan Duryea) begs Yancy to save his father (Flip Wilson) from the hangman. Judge Reindeer: A real reindeer, no joke.

7 P.M.  Ch. 116  BLINDFOLD BASEBALL–Sports

The Toronto Fizzies take on the El Paso Fragments in the new, incredibly dangerous sports sensation, blindfold baseball! (And no, we don’t want to hear any of those old jokes about umpires.) If you think batting against pitches you can’t see is risky, wait’ll you see the chaos on the basepaths. Play-by-play: Marcel Marceau   Color commentary: Gorilla Monsoon.

Well, folks, there you go! Some of that cat food that they have to taste, I don’t know how they do it…

Quokka | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

This is Byron the Quokka, signing off. Happy viewing!