Holy moly, we’re two-thirds through July! Byron the Quokka here, with weekend TV brought to you by Quokka University. That other guy has physical therapy this moaning.
Here’s a sample of this weekend’s offerings.
4 P.M. Ch. 16 GOLF WITH ARNOLD POLYMER–Sports, educational TV
AI Robot Arnold Polymer teaches the finer points of golf! This week: what if your balls are too big to go into the hole? Plastic Arnie has the solution! Sponsored by Acme Divots.
Ch. 46 FORCED MARRIAGES!–Indescribable; shameful
Join host Ernie Smee as men and women snatched off the street are forced to marry against their will. Honest, we don’t know how the network gets away with this! The lawsuits slide off ’em like water off a duck’s back. Commentary by Jim the Duck.
4:15 P.M. Ch. 06 MOVIE–Delusional detective drama
Sir Banarjee Shree Ramdash stars as Pete Jones the Paranoid Detective (Swiss/Nepalese, 1996: 540 minutes). Every crime he investigates turns out to be a plot against him! This week: The Women’s Library Advisory Board is out to get Pete! Sinister woman: This chick who used to be in The Rockford Files, only she’s real old now. Chief Popoff: Zippy McWhortle (a Darren McGavin double).
5 P.M. Ch. 33 NEWS WITH KATHY GESUNDHEIT–News, of course
Famous for anchorwoman Kathy’s gusts of uncontrollable cackling as she tries to read the news. Makes the broadcast take twice as long as it should! And then there’s sports anchor Fogey Robinson with his bouts of uncontrolled weeping. If any news actually makes it through the show, everyone will be surprised.
Well, that’s it, boys ‘n’ gulls!
Gotta run to the store and get some snacks! Byron the Quokka, signing off.
good to see ya again, ol’ buddy.
GOLF WITH ARNOLD POLYMER–Sports, educational TV – Sounds like a good one for amateur golfers to pick up a few pointers. FORCED MARRIAGES!–Indescribable; shameful – Jim the Duck, I wonder how they landed a contract with such a big star. They could make a spinoff about divorce court. MOVIE–Delusional detective drama – I love the plot line of this series. It has to be a British one because they are so great at throwing in long lost out of wedlock characters at the end of the show, or an uncle who is the real dad, but his brother doesn’t have a clue. NEWS WITH KATHY GESUNDHEIT–News, of course – With our local news the only time these anchors are jolly, and adlib is when the weather forecast segment is over and they huddle together with the meteorologist.
May I suggest Alan Jackson on In The Garden for tomorrow
Sure thing.