G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! It’s the end of August and I’m Byron the Quokka, bringing you THE BEST TV you ever saw, courtesy of Quokka University. Here’s a sample:
2:32 P.M. Ch. 8 MOVIE OF THE WEAK–(Produced by Monkeys)
Chook-a-Chooky-Choo (Burmese, 2016: 349 minutes) was, and still is, the first feature film ever produced entirely by monkeys! “Now I can die!” said reviewer Oswald Fungus (but he didn’t). Honest, you won’t believe this script! Starring some 100 monkeys of all kinds. No human input whatsoever!
2:45 P.M. Ch. 14 STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH BY THIS GUY WHO THINKS HE’S PRESIDENT–Self-Explanatory
T. Calpurnius Posthole’s annual State of the Union message typically draws more viewership than any other non-president’s State of the Union speech. We could televise these all day and not run out of them! Today’s speech is expected to call for the expulsion of fictional characters as candidates for public office. Moderator: Gumby
3:00 P.M. Ch. 26 MANSTER!–Half-sitcom, half-melodrama
A two-headed carnivorous monster, who was once a famous TV news reporter, tries to settle down anonymously in the quaint suburban town of Hoy-Hoy, New Jersey–where shoplifting is legal. Junior Kefoozle and LeRoy Shimp star as the Manster, the two of them squeezed into one costume. Mrs. Mbumba: Julie Christy. Neighborhood Scamp: Lorne Greene.
Ch. 41 SIDEWAYS NEWS WITH LARRY ZYBYSKO–News, of course: why else would they call it ‘News’?
Pro wrestling legend Larry Zybysko delivers today’s headline news while reclining sideways on his desk. He is renowned for his difficulty in reading the teleprompter! Weather: Gloria Gorgo (from under the desk). Sports: Blackbeard the Pirate (don’t ask!).
Well, that oughta be enough to get you started!
Byron the Quokka, signing off…
You are amazing, Byron ol’ chap. Where do you come up with all this?
Don’t ask!