As we head into the weekend, nooze fatigue sets in and one longs for a break.
So here’s a joke I heard today.
A cop pulls over a driver and notices that there are a lot of razor-sharp knives in the back seat. “What are those for?” he demands.
“Oh, I juggle those. I’m a juggler. Here, I’ll show you, officer.”
The driver gets out of the car and juggles half a dozen knives as the cop watches.
Two passers-by come along, walking on the opposite shoulder of the road. They stop to watch the unusual performance.
“Gee, I’m glad I gave up drinking!” says the one to the other. “Those sobriety tests are getting awful hard!”
That really is pretty funny — once you accept the premise that a police officer would allow someone to get out of his car with a bunch of knives. 😁
Yes, what could he have been thinking.?
That’s a good one. We can all use some comic relief.
I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming and terrified, like the passengers on his bus.
Swimming is good for you, especially if you’re drowning.
Did you hear about the guy that was both a veterinarian and taxidermist? He had a sign in the window of his shop: Either Way You Get Your Dog Back.
Joe and Bessie
Farmer Joe was suing a trucking company for injuries sustained in an accident. In court, the company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the …”
“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?”
Farmer Joe continued, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road …”
The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman he was just fine. Now, several months after the accident, he is suing my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
But the judge was interested in Farmer Joe’s story and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his mule, Bessie.”
Joe thanked the judge and proceeded. “Well, as I was saying, I had loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway, when this huge semitruck and trailer ran the stop sign, and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. Moreover, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident, a highway patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me.
“He said, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling’?”