G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with a glorious weekend’s worth of fabulous TV brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s just the merest sample.
4:48 P.M. Ch. 14 THE SHAPELESS MASS–Crime drama for idiots
His unspeakable lifestyle turned ace detective Malcom Talcum (Liu Chia-Hui) into a shapeless mass of slime–but now he detects aces with the best of ’em! This week: Ms. California (Rebecca Hoptoad) helps Talcum home in on a misgendering ring. Special guest star: This guy who was panhandling by the studio entrance.
5 P.M. Ch. 03 YOU CAN WIN THE LOTTERY!–Sheer fantasy
Ever wonder why the same people seem to win the lottery week after week? Host Johnny Scrubbit reveals occult tricks, most of them illegal, for winning the lottery–guaranteed to work! Yes, you do have to send some money; but once we’re all millionaires, who’s going to miss $100?
Ch. 16 NEWS & WEATHER WITH LYIN’ ALBERT LYLE–News, etc.
They don’t call him “Lyin’ Al” for nothing! But you can’t beat the slogan that made his show a hit: “At least you know we’re lying!” Tonight: Bogus pre-election coverage by B.S. Slayde and Anna Crapola. Special: Forked Tongue interviews a fire hydrant.
5:30 P.M. Ch. 43 MY COCCYX, MY MISERY–Adult Western
Einar Saltbucket stars as Whimpering Smith, the 92-year-old putterer whose coccyx miseries have driven him to become a wandering gunfighter wanted for murder in 47 states. Tonight: The pad they sold him for his saddle doesn’t work, and Einar is out for revenge! Dance Hall Girl: Dame Judith Anderson. Dishonest saddle pad salesman: Senor Wences.
Well, how do you like that lineup! Once you start watching, you won’t know where to stop!
Can this bike get me home in time for The Shapeless Mass? Byron the Quokka, signing off.
Good on ya, mate. Always on the job.
I often wondered what ace detectives did for a living. I’m surprised that Malcolm Talcum doesn’t specialize in casino work.
They won’t let you in if you’re a shapeless mass. They have a policy.
THE SHAPELESS MASS–Crime drama for idiots – I wonder what turned Malcum into slime? Could it be attending a VP Harris rally where she ridiculed protestors who shouted Jesus Is Loud? YOU CAN WIN THE LOTTERY! – This sounds about as legit as the ad running on the Internet these days about a 30 second technique you can do before sleep that prevents Alzheimer’s disease. Finally, a local news show that is truthful about lying – sign me up. MY COCCYX, MY MISERY–Adult Western – Hot damn, a weekly western I can binge watch on my streaming channel – it doesn’t get any better than this.