Greetings, earthlings! (I’ve always wanted to say that!) Byron the Quokka here, with just a sample of the incalculable bliss that your TV viewing will provide this week! (Always wanted to say that, too). Brought to you by Quokka University–and here’s a snippet from our menu.
Saturday
6:06 a.m. Ch. 44 TOY BOY SQUADRON–Wartime adventure
In peacetime they live off foolish old ladies with lots of money. War cramps their style! This week: Col. Bumpus (former Cubs outfielder Jose Cardenal) latches on to a French heiress (Maddy Hagfish): has he just made his fortune?
8:18 p.m. Ch. 19 THE COCCYX CHORUS–Variety
This week’s guests include Arnie Sacknussen (mail box imitation), the Slop Sisters (they’ll make you cry); and Betty Woont (tragical movie scenes adapted for performance on a trampoline). Your host: Xi Jin Ping look-alike, Bo Hardy.
Sunday
2:14 p.m. Ch. 16 MUSHY BASEBALL, RUG-CHEWERS VS. IDLE HANDS–Sports, live from Old Bridge, NJ
It’s not softball, it’s not hardball–it’s mushball! Rug-Chewers offense features keen negotiators, while the Idle Hands rely on scary rubber snakes in the other team’s dugout. Play-by-play and commentary: Ellen Melon, Squeaky Bubu. Sponsored by Ringtails, the non-alcoholic beer that gets you roaring drunk anyway.
Well, that should be enough to get you going! You’ll be pleased to know the President’s Council on Physical Fitness has once again overlooked Quokka U.
Byron the Quokka, signing off
Where can I order a case of Ringtails? I’m watching my weight, so alcohol is off the table … 🙂
If I knew where to get it, I’d get it.
Beats medicinal marijuana. 🙂
Just kidding, I’ve made to this far through life without ever getting drunk, and, TBH, anything more than the occasional single shot of Glenlivet Scotch leaves me feeling none too great.
I used to drink a lot of beer, but that faded away after I got married.
It can be refreshing, and comes in handy in this climate, but it’s pretty rare for me to have a beer, these days.
Root beer and iced tea are my daily tipples.
Lots of tea, usually not iced.
TOY BOY SQUADRON–Wartime adventure – sorry, Byron but this one sounds like a knockoff of “Mash.” THE COCCYX CHORUS–Variety – Thanks for this one, Byron, I have always loved the variety shows I grew up with. I have never seen the Slop Sisters before – I will make sure to have a pack of Kleenex handy when I do. 2:14 p.m. Ch. 16 MUSHY BASEBALL, RUG-CHEWERS VS. IDLE HANDS–Sports, live from Old Bridge, NJ – I really can’t imagine how Mushy Ball is played so I will have to watch to see for myself -no promises I will watch the whole game. 🙂
If you hit the ball hard enough it turns into mush.