“I have posted this video to show you what Scurveyshire is up against,” intones Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, introducing Chapter DCCXLIII of her interminable epic romance, Oy, Rodney.
“As you would know, if you’d been paying the least little bit of attention, the medieval sorcerer, Black Rodney, has it in for Scurveyshire,” Ms. Crepuscular reminds her loyal readers. How many of those there are, is anybody’s guess. “He has transported the June Taylor Dancers from the 1950s to the 1850s. This video will show you why!”
“Have you ever seen anything more fiendish?” she crepusculates. “Mr. Pudding and his newts will be hard-put to save the shire from this!” It turns out that certain species of newts are immune to accordion music. The guy at the pet store told me so.
With her usual commendable foresight, Ms. Crepuscular has already equipped Lord Jeremy Coldsore with a 20-pound accordion. To those who object that he hasn’t the foggiest idea how to play it, Ms. Crepuscular replies, “Shut up!”
Tune in next week to see what happens.