Introducing Chapter CCCXLII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, which should have appeared last week but didn’t quite make it, Violet Crepuscular confides in her readers:
“Dear reader, I am thoroughly chagrined about the mess made here last week by that Byron the Quokka character! Really, I do not write this epic romance with any kind of marsupial audience in mind! I didn’t get where I am today, writing for marsupials. So here is a Chapter CCCXLII do-over.”
Having ruined her elopement by eloping to the wrong warehouse in the wrong town–in fact, this is the second time in her life that she has done this–Lady Margo Cargo, accompanied by her crusty old butler, Crusty, is alarmed by a series of blood-curdling moans issuing from behind a stack of Acme False Facts. But when Crusty pulls down the crates, they discover the Pottery sisters, Febrile and Facile, who make a habit of hiding in abandoned warehouses.
“It’s only the Pottery sisters, you silly old trout–Febrile and Facile,” Crusty exclaims. “What are you two doing here? This place is supposed to be deserted.”
“Please, sir and madam! We were only chewing gum,” explains Febrile. The twins are often mistaken for a pair of very large insects. This accounts for their attraction to abandoned warehouses.
“I was supposed to get married here tonight,” Lady Margo mutters, “but there’s no groom. I suppose we ought to go home.”
“Please, madam!” cries Facile. “Have a stick of gum first.” Over Crusty’s mean-spirited objection, Lady Margo accepts a stick of gum. It tastes horrible.
“By now,” interjects Ms. Crepuscular, “the reader is surely wondering what Lord Jeremy Coldsore, Mr. Twombley, and the vicar are doing at the other warehouse. That will be elucidated in the next chapter–without marsupials!”
