Here’s hoping you all had a spiffy Fourth of July. Byron the Quokka here, and today we have Fifth of July programming. Featuring stuff like this:
Saturday
8:27 p.m. Ch. 15 SPECIAL REPORT: “CRYING AT WORK”–Nooze (What else?)
Join Weepin’ Willie McGrew and Hysterical Annie Plod as they struggle to present the day’s news without crying. They’ve just found out it’s only a one-shot special, there are no plans to make it a series… so they’re already bawling about that.
9:01 p.m. Ch. 26 ANOTHER SPECIAL REPORT: “BUGS IN MY UNDIES”–
The War of the Brainless News Specials escalates as WDOG unleashes its famous “Bugs in My Undies” news special. (I don’t know how they ever filmed that scene with the praying mantises!) WBNX is expected to fire back with “Horrifying Diseases of the Coccyx.
Sunday
7:33 a.m. Ch. 12 THE ASSAFOETIDA HOUR–Game show
Can you spell “assafoetida”? If you can’t, Albert the Studio Monkey will pelt you with various repulsive objects while all the other contestants get wheelbarrows full of cash. Host: Oswald Spengler, author of The Decline of the West or something or other.
Well, that should be enough to get you started!
And I’d better learn how to spell “Assafurschlunga”–or whatever it is. Byron the Quokka signing off.