The crack investigative team at Stunata News Service has stopped investigating cracks and pulled off the journalistic coup of the millenium.
They have tracked down the real Pinocchio!
“Everybody thinks Pinocchio is a kids’ story, a Disney cartoon,” said cracked reporter Harry Hootch, “but Mr. Pinocchio was–and is!–a real person!”
The famous wooden puppet who was magically turned into a flesh-and-blood boy has, for the past 67 years, been living as Mr. Vincenzo Anthony Pinocchio at Apt. 3-H in a tenement in The Bronx, New York. Mr. Hootch and his Eyewitless News team tracked him down last week for an exclusive interview.
But wouldn’t Pinocchio now be almost 150 years old?
“He doesn’t age like we do,” said Mr. Hootch, who conducted the interview, along with a specialist to translate questions and answers into Esperanto. “It seems that from time to time the magic wears off, and then for a while he’s a wooden puppet again, until the Blue Fairy can turn him back into a human. During those times, of course, he doesn’t age at all.”
The Blue Fairy was not available for comment.
The videotaped interview with the real Pinocchio will be aired next Tuesday in Harry Hootch’s living room.
“Mr. Pinocchio says the thing that causes him to turn back into a puppet is Climate Change,” said the eminent journalist. “That’s what makes his nose grow, too. He used to think his nose got longer every time he told a lie, and that’s what they put in the Disney movie. But now he says it shoots out another inch or two whenever he tries to warn people about Climate Change.”
Up Next: Our crack investigative team investigates Carlo Collodi’s claim that Pinocchio murdered Jiminy Cricket. They will then go back to investigating cracks.