School Forbids Children to ‘Touch Snow’

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Before we all go crazy, we turn to British education (and ours is no better!) for comic relief.

With Britain getting buried under record-setting Climbit Change snow, the principal of an East London school has decreed that the kiddies are not to “touch snow” ( No snowmen, no snow angels, no snow forts, and certainly no snowball fights!

The principal says he’s afraid of lawsuits. But not to worry: “If you don’t touch snow you’re not going to throw it.”

I was just kidding a couple of weeks ago when I wrote a piece about Play-Doh contributing to Global Warming, and so does everything else, so people would be wise to refrain from all activity of any kind. (

But this principal isn’t kidding.

Public education: making people dumber and woossier by the day.

Climbit Change Been Very, Very Good to Him!

Image result for images of maharaja on parade

Some of these nabobs on the Left go out of their way to satirize themselves. In fact, you really can’t tell the satire from the actual news stories anymore.

Take Barack “Climate Change Charlie” Obama, for instance. (Take him as far away as possible.) You’d swear this was a satire, but it ain’t.

After lollygagging around French Polynesia on a rock producer’s luxurious private yacht, was time for the O to head for Milan, Italy, to speak at an international Climate Change/Global Warming confab. (

So he zooms halfway around the world in a private jet, then finishes the journey amid a 14-car entourage–all this maharajah’s missing is the elephants–plus helicopters flying overhead (to protect him from Republican suicide sky-divers, no doubt) and 300 extra police officers.

Can you say “carbon footprint bigger than some whole countries'”? Mon, have climbit change been very, very good to him!

I mean, does this guy act like he believes, even for a minute, in the crapola that he’s selling us? Ooh-ooh, we’re all gonna die because of Climbit Change! Gotta give the government more and more and more power over our lives, gotta set up an all-powerful world state, only the government can Save The Planet!

If hypocrisy did not exist already, Democrats would have invented it by now.

Pinocchio: Fact, Not Fiction!

The crack investigative team at Stunata News Service has stopped investigating cracks and pulled off the journalistic coup of the millenium.

They have tracked down the real Pinocchio!

“Everybody thinks Pinocchio is a kids’ story, a Disney cartoon,” said cracked reporter Harry Hootch, “but Mr. Pinocchio was–and is!–a real person!”

The famous wooden puppet who was magically turned into a flesh-and-blood boy has, for the past 67 years, been living as Mr. Vincenzo Anthony Pinocchio at Apt. 3-H in a tenement in The Bronx, New York. Mr. Hootch and his Eyewitless News team tracked him down last week for an exclusive interview.

But wouldn’t Pinocchio now be almost 150 years old?

“He doesn’t age like we do,” said Mr. Hootch, who conducted the interview, along with a specialist to translate questions and answers into Esperanto. “It seems that from time to time the magic wears off, and then for a while he’s a wooden puppet again, until the Blue Fairy can turn him back into a human. During those times, of course, he doesn’t age at all.”

The Blue Fairy was not available for comment.

The videotaped interview with the real Pinocchio will be aired next Tuesday in Harry Hootch’s living room.

“Mr. Pinocchio says the thing that causes him to turn back into a puppet is Climate Change,” said the eminent journalist. “That’s what makes his nose grow, too. He used to think his nose got longer every time he told a lie, and that’s what they put in the Disney movie. But now he says it shoots out another inch or two whenever he tries to warn people about Climate Change.”

Up Next: Our crack investigative team investigates Carlo Collodi’s claim that Pinocchio murdered Jiminy Cricket. They will then go back to investigating cracks.

Scientists Say It’s OK to Lie for Climate Change

In April of 2014, two scientists published a peer-reviewed article in a scientific journal in which they stated that it’s perfectly acceptable to lie about “climate change” if it can get people to behave as scientists want them to behave ( ).

Don’t believe me? Fine. This is from the introduction to the article in the American Journal of Agricultural Economics, by Fuhai Hong and Xianjian Zhen:

“In fact, our key result–that overpessimism alleviates the underparticipation problem–implies that the propaganda of climate skepticism–” Note that it’s the skeptics who are doing propaganda, not the confessed liars themselves–“may be detrimental to the society.” Dig those crazy euphemisms.

Another quote: “[A] rationale for the phenomenon of climate change accentuation or exaggeration [that is, lying] on the part of the international mainstream media…”–they are counting on the nooze media being in cahoots with scientists who exaggerate the effects of climate change–“… exaggeration of climate damage [that is, lying] may alleviate the problem of insufficient IEA [International Environmental Agreements] participation.”

So there you have it–scientists saying it’s okay to lie about “climate change” (known as Global Warming when the weather is hot) if the lies can be used to trick people into signing on to International Environmental Agreements.

At the time there were a number of scientists who denounced this paper in no uncertain terms. But when we hear a scientist preach about the need for tighter government controls on our behavior, because they’re needed to Save The Planet, how are we supposed to know which scientists are truth-tellers and which ones are liars?

General Principle to Follow: If a proposed policy or action will have the effect of increasing the wealth and power enjoyed by politicians and/or scientists who have already established themselves as liars and cheaters, such a policy or action should be immediately rejected.

P.S.: My friend the homicide detective says cases often solve themselves without him having to do much detecting. How? “The bad guys can’t help blabbing about what they did,” he explains. “If they don’t brag about it to some other convict, they’ll just burst. And then the other convict rats ’em out.”

Here we have the Climate Change bad guys bragging and ratting themselves out.

What Beliefs Will We Be Allowed to Have?

Conference organizers concealed the identities of the participants, according to The Telegraph.

While the world was looking elsewhere, a bunch of top judges and lawyers from all over the world got together in London, in a conference funded by (who else?) the U.N., to try figure out a way to make it against the law not to believe in Global Warming ( ).

Well, actually, what they want to do is somehow to translate the “settled science,” the “scientific consensus,” the “97% of scientists believe that Colgate is an effective decay-preventive dentifrice” ** Oops! got carried away, should be “97% of scientists believe in Global Warming so that makes it true”–all this, they wish to translate into law. “Facts” are to be made laws; and presumably it would then become a criminal offense to dispute the “facts.”

Only liberals have so little confidence in their own opinions that they always seek to have them put over by force. They can’t convince us that their “Climate Change” is anything other than a big, fat scam, so they want to shut us up.

Is this how honest men behave?

Is this how science is to proceed from now on? Whoever has the most force at his disposal, wins the debate–or, better yet, just shuts down the debate?

This trail has been blazed by the “gay marriage” pioneers. Don’t like it? Don’t want to take part in a same-sex “wedding”? Okay–we’ll ruin you financially, turn you and your whole family into public enemies, destroy your livelihood. We don’t bother to try to win the argument! We just crush the opposition.

Hey, folks–enjoy your opinions while you’re still allowed to have ’em.

Figure This–If You Can

Ice on the Great Lakes–produced by Global Warming???

The shipping industry wants Congress to pony up the money for a new icebreaker for the Great Lakes. Why? Because “back-to-back winters of historic ice cover have demonstrated the need for a new heavy breaker” ( ). Last winter ice covered 89% of the Great Lakes’ surface. In 2014, it was 92%.

Meanwhile, all the shysters in Washington and in the E.U. keep on yammering about Global Warming, you’re all gonna die unless you pay lotsa new taxes and give us vast new powers, blah-blah.

Why do we need to build new icebreakers if the Planet is supposedly getting warmer all the time?

Meanwhile, in Scotland, there’s all this snow lying around, left over from last winter–it hasn’t melted yet ( ). At the same time, the whoopee crowd tells us that redheads are going to go extinct on account of Global Warming.

We understand why politicians are pushing Global Warming: more power and more money. And scientists: more grant money, and the fun of being advisers and oracles to the politicians.  But why any normal person would believe in it, how any normal person could fail to see the colossally dishonest motives behind it all… well, that we find very hard to understand.