A Handyman, I’m Not

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I am not a handyman. But that doesn’t get me out of doing handyman chores.

I had to get rid of our bulky old TV cabinet and then assemble some shelves to take its place. This entailed dropping very small screws onto the carpet and strewing cardboard and styrofoam packaging all over the place. Eventually I got it done. It has made me tired. Very tired. Could barely manage to smoke my cigar.

But it’s done. The next herculean task will be the Christmas tree.

(How come so few readers are viewing our Christmas hymns today?)

Toiling Toward Christmas!

Parents With Daughter And Dog Hauling Christmas Tree Over Snow High-Res  Stock Photo - Getty Images

Huff-puff, huff-puff!

Floor lamp conks out. Can’t see without it, must replace it immediately! Pick up new lamp at Home Depot, pull apart the computer corner in the living room to take the old lamp out and put the new lamp in. Clean up blizzard of styrofoam on living room floor.

Can we find a Christmas tree? We don’t usually get ours this many days ahead of Christmas, but everybody says the trees are selling out. So back into the car we go, and by now the Weather Service is predicting beaucoup snow, we’ve just got to get these things all done before that happens–and we go to Whole Foods and Wal-Mart, but their trees are all sold out. Oh, the traffic in that Wal-Mart parking lot!

We remember a nursery where they just might have a few trees left. It’s getting colder and colder. I know a short cut, but today it’s nullified by traffic, traffic everywhere. Nevertheless, we persevere–and yes, they do have a few trees left. It’s a bit more than we like to pay, but better than no Christmas tree at all.

Patty is so cold she could plotz. In fact, I think she did plotz. But we’re home, the tree is home, the new lamp works, and I have Christmas carols to post for you. One more, I think…

Work, Work, Work!

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Somehow I managed to write a Newswithviews column today, but there’s still a mountain of work to clear away. Patty ordered a new stove, I got her car washed–our neighbor thought we’d bought a whole new car, that’s how dirty it was–and we found a new mechanic for it.

But I still have to wrap Christmas presents, we have to get our tree, we have to get our duck for Christmas dinner, I have to get new glasses, and it would be nice if I found a chance to take a shower. There might still be some editing to do, I don’t know for sure. Everything has to be done in time for Christmas.

Are we all in the same boat, this year? How are you all doing, out there? I thought everything was supposed to get easier as you got older. I see now I was mistaken.

I’m also supposed to write a book review of Comrade Bernie Sanders’ Guide to Political Revolution. Mercy, mercy!