Okay, The Queen of Suspense, Violet Crepuscular, is up and around again and ready to go back to finely crafting her interminable–sorry! Immortal! I meant immortal–historical romance, Oy, Rodney.
When we last checked, most of Scurveyshire’s pressing problems simply evaporated while Ms. Crepuscular was in bed with the collywobbles. She says she felt better and got up when she heard the millipedes sing.
“What did they sing?” asked the editor who should have known better. He had a feeling the answer was going to be Anchors A-Weigh.
But Violet is already off on another track.
“Last week, you will recall, I mentioned a guy from the collection agency who got run over by a truck,” she writes. “I case you were worried, I can tell you that he wasn’t badly injured, just a little problem with the coccyx. But I felt badly for him, so I decided to include him in my book. Here you will get to know him as Squire Gervais Pong, formerly of the Isle of Wight, former explorer of The Land of Great Big Salamanders, now settled in Scurveyshire as a beloved money-lender: the loan shark with the heart of gold!”
Popular demand will not allow her to distance herself from the millipedes.
“They’re singing The Curse of an Aching Heart–all right? You got a problem with that?” She is losing patience with her readers. “They really don’t deserve me!” she says.