How the President’s Wife Meddles with Your Child’s Lunch

It’s a sin to waste food. It shows unthankfulness to God, and un-sympathy for those of the human family who suffer from want of food.

Now, thanks to the Worst Lady and other meddlers, this sin is to be cultivated among children in our public schools, in addition to the sins which those schools already encourage, like lust and envy. When they aren’t being taught to experiment with assorted kinds of fornication, or to hate persons who are more successful than left-wing politicians and academics think they ought to be, the kiddies will learn to waste perfectly good vittles rather than have them crammed down their throats by food fascists in Washington.

Yea, verily, it has been decreed by our glorious president’s wife that, from now on, ye shall eat only what she and the holy government priesthood decide what’s good for you. Selah.

It’s the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. Who could possibly be against anything like that?

The kids who are told they have to eat this stuff.

I’ve taught in public schools. I’ve seen how kids in the cafeteria scarf down cake, cookies, candy and soda instead of real food. I admit it’s a problem–but not a problem that can be solved by high-and-mighty nabobs trying to force kids to eat healthy, low-calory, not very filling foods.

The kids rebel, refuse to eat the government health-food, and it winds up in the garbage can.

Mass institutionalization of children has never been a good idea, and this new tofu-and-lettuce jihad is only the latest example of how it doesn’t work. Short of tying the kids down and force-feeding them, it’ll never work.

So don’t sell all that junk in school! Get rid of the vending machines. And don’t confront the kids with a lot of la-dee-dah prepackaged lunches that they don’t want to eat. You could even be really revolutionary and leave it up to parents to send their kids to school with lunches made at home.

Everything this administration touches turns to trash. And if God is pleased by this massive waste and disrespect of food, you can knock me over with a feather.