Shocking Injustice! Rioters Weren’t Paid for Rioting

I know it sounds like a hoax, but apparently it’s true: rioters were promised $5,000 a month as payment for “protesting” in Ferguson, MO, over the police shooting death of a robber, and now they’re mad as wet hens because they haven’t been paid ( http://godfatherpolitics.com/22624/ferguson-protesters-promised-5000month-for-protesting-now-angry-over-nonpayment/ ).

They were allegedly stiffed by an organization called MORE (Missourians [lol] Organizing for Reform and Empowerment), which was created to replace ACORN when that august body went bankrupt. MORE is heavily subsidized by some guy name Sauron, who I think is the Dark Lord from The Lord of the Rings.

What is this country coming to, when you can’t get paid five gees a month for looting stores and shutting down a city? That’s more than a lot of us make for honest labor that actually produces something.

To treat this news with the respect it deserves, let us consult the Magic 8-Ball and peer into the future.

Six months from now: Missourians Organized for Rioting Or Nothing (MORON) files a class action suit in the federal district court, demanding full payment of all the money promised to the “protesters.”

“We rioted in good faith, and they just welshed on us,” said MORON attorney Gotno Braynze. “Man, I don’t know why Sauron did that! I mean, it’s just chump change to him. Hey, next time he wants a month’s worth of riots, let him send his Orcs. We want our money!”

A spokesman for the Dark Tower said the understanding was that the protests would culminate with nothing left standing in the town of Ferguson, MO. “Yesss, my precious–they welshhhhed on us firssst, they did! Gollum, gollum!”

11 comments on “Shocking Injustice! Rioters Weren’t Paid for Rioting

  1. They shouldn’t feel too bad; I mean, they were able to do all the looting and stealing they wanted. Surely they’ve got some of those Doritos and cigarettes left?

    1. A scene from the first Indiana Jones movie comes to mind. It’s the one where the Nazi bad guy touches the Ark of the Covenent and his eyes rot in their sockets, etc, etc. Our God knows what is going on and He will meet out justice in His time.

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