Don’t even think about asking me where I got this information, because I am not at liberty to tell.
A lawsuit is about to be filed before the 9th Circuit Court demanding that all Bible-reading, except for “secret private readings that the authorities are unable to monitor as yet,” be banned on the grounds that it violates the Separation of Church and State. The plaintiffs are a coalition of atheists and liberal churchmen, Americans for American Values and Other Good Things.
“Bible-reading must not be allowed, not even in the churches,” said law professor J. Wadsworth Polyp, a known idiot. “Churches are located in the state, therefore they are subject to Separation of Church and State.”
“Our church never opens the Bible,” said Priestess the Rev. Judi Kazooty, Presbyterian Church USA. “That’s because the Bible is, like, the most un-inclusive book ever. It breaks, like, every hate speech law. So we read Saul Alinsky and Al Gore instead.”
Polyp and Kazooty are respectively the chair-being and the also chair-being of Americans for American Values and Other Good Things. Their group, they say, represents “lots of people.”
“We are not asking the court to curtail freedom of worship,” Professor Polyp added. “You will still be allowed to go to church. You just won’t be allowed to say or read or write anything that goes against the State.”
Copies of the lawsuit can be obtained by stealing them from the professor’s office. He keeps them right under the copies of the final exams.