Let’s Shut Everybody Up

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Now that the Justice Dept. has revealed that it’s looking for ways to prosecute “Climate Change denial,” assorted Democrats in Congress, along with some members of the Obama administration, have formed a new organization dedicated to suppressing all dissent.

Americans For Making America Just Like China “is an idea whose time has come,” said the group’s first commissar, Rep. Azog Jockitch (D-Mordor). “Attorney General Lynch has shown us the way. Let’s prosecute everyone who has the wrong idea about any public issue!”

“Here in America’s 57th state, we’ve already been doing that for several years and it’s really paid off,” said Sen. Wendy Screwtape (D-Chateau d’If). “Now nobody dares to say boo! We don’t just prosecute Climate Change denial. We throw people into jail for transgender denial, gay marriage denial, White Privilege denial, Evolution denial, Islam denial, feminist music denial–you name it, we’ll prosecute it!”

But what if a majority of America’s most productive citizens wind up in prison for this-or-that denial? How will government programs be paid for?

“Why, that’s easy!” said Deputy Attorney General Bill Zebubb (D-Gehenna). “Look, we’re gonna have to jail all the Christians anyhow, so while we’re at it, we might as well confiscate all their property and convert it into cash. That’s what being a Democrat is all about!”

And when the money runs out?

“Ask another question like that,” Mr. Jockitch said, “and you’ll wind up in the slammer, too.”

P.S.–Mr. Jockitch has asked us to add: “If we prosecute all wrong speech, we can turn the entire country into one gigantic safe space!”