Top Secret Trump Campaign Memos Leaked to This Blog!

The attached video: This is how you do it.

Two top-secret documents from Donald Trump’s presidential campaign have been slid under my door. They both have to do with Trump’s recent speech at a black church in Detroit.

Document 1

To: Candidate Donald Trump

From: Image-R-Us Political Consultants Inc.

Re: Detroit Speech

Dear Mr. Trump–To defeat Hillary Clinton, you have to make a dent in her projected 95% of the African-American vote. We concur with your reasons for giving a speech in Detroit to an African-American audience; but we strongly advise you to imitate those techniques which, in election after election, capture at least 90% of these voters for the Democrats.

In short, we recommend you out-Democrat the Democrats!

It will be easy for you to do this. First, adapt your wardrobe to the circumstances, remembering that these are simple people who must be pandered to. 1) Wear a baseball cap sideways. 2) Get very baggy jeans and where them hanging low so that your jockey shorts show.

It will also be useful to tailor your way of speaking to this audience–as, for example, Hillary Clinton did in her now-famous “Ah’m bah no means taaaared” speech. See the attached video. Again, this will be easy to do. 1) Always remember to say “axe” for “ask.” 2) Listen to audio and cultivate a kind of “preacherly” delivery.

Finally, strongly imply that you relate to these simple people’s Hip Hop culture. Slyly hint about your “stash,” and suggest that if they vote for you, there will be plenty to go around.

When in doubt, always do whatever any Democratic candidate would do. Pander, pander, pander!

We hope we have been of service to you.

Document 2

To: Image-R-Us Political Consultants Inc.

From: Donald J. Trump

Dear Sirs–You’re fired.

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