Now You Can Get a Degree in Nothing

Okay, back to the post-real world…

This just in from Crayola University: Starting this semester, students can earn a bachelor’s degree in Nothing. Yup, that’s right: Nothing. Students in the Nothing degree program will read nothing, study nothing, learn nothing, and know nothing. Mostly they will play with Play-Doh.

“We had to do it,” said University President I. B. Pillock. “Too many of our students are unable to cope with more traditional degree programs like Women’s Studies, Queer Studies, Chicano Studies, Queer Chicano Studies, and Superhero Studies, etc. At the same time, they are unable to live outside a university environment.

“But we can keep them here for as long as they keep paying their tuition, fees, housing, and everything else. We have hired several new professors who specialize in teaching Nothing, and if it all works out, we will offer post-graduate courses in Nothing. Maybe even a Ph. D. program!”

About leeduigon

I have lived in Metuchen, NJ, all my life. I have been married to my wife Patricia since 1977. I am a former newspaper editor and reporter. I was also the owner-operator of my own small business for several years. I wrote various novels and short stories published during 1980s and 1990s. I am a long-time student of judo and Japanese swordsmanship (kenjutsu). I also play chess, basketball, and military and sports simulations. View all posts by leeduigon

5 responses to “Now You Can Get a Degree in Nothing

  • UnKnowable

    I never went to college, although I have had some very in-depth technical training. It used to be that I felt badly about not having a degree, but these days I see it as a badge of honor. It’s not that I’m anti-education; I’m all for education. But these days, the colleges are not providing useful education, they are mollycoddling their students while pumping their egos full of nonsense. You parody of Joe Collidge is closer to reality than any of us would prefer.

    Like

    • leeduigon

      I came out of college in 1971 with a B.A. in Political Science, specializing in the Viking Age–you can imagine how much good that did me!–the ability to write term papers on any subject, and a conviction that anything I hadn’t learned in college was wrong. The latter was a disability which took me over 30 years to shed.

      Like

      • UnKnowable

        I Used to have a friend that had that same disability. Before college, this wa stud most pleasant and truly intelligent person imaginable. After college there was a big change, and not for the good. What they are doing to their students is not good.

        Like

  • marlene

    LOL. Funny, but believable – that’s what hurts.

    Like

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