Our Collidge It Has Me Studdies!

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We has got “a” new deegree pogrom!!! It is cawled You Studdies,, be-cose awl yiu gots to studdy “Is” Yore Selff!!!! Haow coool is “that”!”!??

Nhow yiu “can” spend five (^5^) yeers jist studdying Yore Selff!! The Deen she sayed “We has to Do “this” becuase Nothing Studdies it “is” tooo Harrd foar lots “of” “the” Stoodints! And sumb of Themb thay jist wowned up drinkin Fromb “the” Goal Fissh Pond and not lurning nothing and a fyew Of themb thay got Sick and thare famblys thay sooed The Collidge”!”!!

Butt frist they tryed jist “givving Out” deegrees foar nothing at awl “and” the Collidge it got sooed foar That tooo!!!!! Iff ownly “we” cood Get Rid “of” Famblys we wood awl be Beter Off!!!!

The grate Thing abowt You Studdies is,, It Is ***Flunck-Proof***!!! I meen haow can yiu possablee fale You Studdies!!!! Butt jist to maik Sure it “is” sucksestfull, the Stoodints thay whil be aloud to Graid Thembselffs!!! And jist In Caiss “that” doughnt whork ether, Stoodints who stil doughnt gett It,, thay whil has Mentaurs to hellp themb studdy thayrselffs!!!!!

I wunder iff i awt To chainge my Majer….?

‘Put’ This Hear Juj in Jale!!!!!

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[Last week we had a cock-up on the college front and Joe Collidge failed to appear in his usual Friday slot. Amazingly, no one complained.]

Didd yiu heer the tearrable news??? I cant beleave “it!”!” And jist affter “we winned” the Elexion tooo!!!!!!!

Some stopid juj in Tecksis ((oar “was” it Indier? i get them twoo micksed up!!)) he sayed thare Cant “be” “no” Stoodint Lone Fourgiftness!!!!!

Sints wen did anny boddy maik himb Pressadint??? Heer “at” our Collidge, “the” Stoodint Soviet we instintlie sended Off “a” leter to Pressadint Jobiden to tel himb he shood awght “to” throe That Thare Juj in jale!!!! and maby feeed himb To “the” allygaters tooo!!!!!! HOW DAIR HE??? Whoo dose “he” Thinck he “is?”!” Wat kined Of dimmocrasee Is it “wen” sumb juj he woont “let the” Pressadint do stuph???

Of corse we has bin Saying awl “allong” that thare shood awght To Be Freee Collidge foar evvry one butt Cristchins!!!!! and a free bortion too!!! If we hadded Soshalism no-boddy wood has to pay foar “enny-Thing!!”” And Collidge it “is” a Nessessaty Of Lyfe!!!!!! I lernt that In Nothing Studies!!

Whithout All “the” “grate” eddicasion i get In Collidge, I wood Be a Boob!!!!

We Has Got ‘a’ New Coarse!!!

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We has got “a” New Coarse in Nothing Studdies it is caled Kleptozoology and I has sined Up “foar” it!!!

This heer Coarse it “is of crypticle impotence” that is waht “the” Prefesser he sayed!! It is awl abuote haow to libberate Zooo aminels (“as” yiu Can see fromb the Pixture!)!”! It is toatelly Racist “to” keeep aminols in zooos!!!! Ownly strait Wyte Mails doo that!!!!!

To pass “the” Coarse yiu has got to libberate at leest One (1) annamol from The Zooo! and turn it looose!!!!! Iff yiu Grabb “a” lyon bye The Back Leggs yiu Can “pull” it Oaut “of” the Caige and it Cant Turn araound And byte yiu!!!!!!

But it doant has “to be” a Lyon, it can “be” a Ellerfint,, a RINO, oar a Griller too!!!!!! Enny anmal yiu wannt!! Thare “was” a Gye in Jippan oar somb plaice,, he puled Out a crockadile bye The Tale so he got a A in the Coarse!!!! It “is” jist tooo bad the crockadile it bited his Arm off!!!!!!!! And a Wimmin she libberated a Noot!!! I wood lyke To libberate a Tygger!!!!!!!!!! Iff yiu pull The Tale it Cant byte yiu!!!!

Somb very Grate parsons thay has studdied Klepto-Zoology but i whil ownly naim To of themb,, Jon Stink and Ellanoar Rosevellt!!!!!

Be Wear ‘Of’ Oaled Aige!!!!!

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We herd a lexture “too-day” In Nothing Studdies that reely Skaired us!!!!! It “was” awl abote The Dizeeze “of” Oaled Aige!!!!!!

I useta thinck Oaled Aige it “was” cawzed By geting oalder but Nhow i knowe That’s Rong!!!! Noe!!! It is cawzed By Wyte Privlidge “and” Trans-Foabier!!!! and it is awl Wyte peples’ Fawlt and iff thare wazznt Noe Wyte poeple then thare woodnt Be noe Oaled Aige!!!!!!

Has yiu knotissed that Trans Peoeple thay nevver get Oaled???? Has you knowtissed that Minorites thay get Oaled wurst than Wyte peaple??? Our lexturer he sayed “Of coarse Minorites thay awlyaws get Shafftid and thare wazznt no Oaled Aige untill Wyte peoaeple thay Evolved fromb reely Bad “mungky”s!”!”

Becose “of” Thiss,, the ownly Thing “we” Can “Do” is throe awl Wyte poeaeple “in” Jale and taik awl thare Munny “and” thair Stuph and Re-diskribute It “to” Minorites!!!!! This it wood Be “reprayssions!”!”” This heer “it” “is” reel troo Socile Jutstus!!!!!!!! and then sumb Hater Biggit he sayed “Whel waht abuot Hillery? Wood yiu putt “her” In Jale and taik” awl her Stuph?”?”? Kneeless to say,, we beeted himb Up!!!!

That lexture it reely Bummbed me Out,, i thick i whil Eat somb jim sox nhow!!!

Waht “to’ Do Affter Collidge???

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We hadded “a” amayzing Lexture tooday it “was” Saposed to Be “waht do yiu Do “affter” yiu finnish whith Collidge”,, whel wow that “Is A” scairy thawt!!!!!!! We wer alll Scaired of wahtt she was Goingto Say!!!

Butt “it” terned Ouwt “tobe” A bigg Sapprize!!!!! Becawse ghess Wat???

Thare is no “Affter Collidge!”!”!”

Hear i whas worry-ying abuot wen I finnish and Get “my” deegree “in” Nothing Studies, like, then watt Do i Doo?????? Well thats Simpple!!! Yiu “staye” In Collidge and keeep On studdying untill yiu Get yur Massters!!! That taiks like Ten (1’0) yeers! And then yiu Staye in Collidge amether fifthteen (1’5) or Sixthteen yeers (1’6) untill yiu Get The Bigg One, yore PhuD!!!!!!!!!! Then yiu canbe a Prefesser and staye In Collidge sumb moar, at leest Untill yiu re-tyre and Get a “grate” bigg Pention so yiu “can Go” On croozes and stuph!@!!!!!

So, sea, thare “is” Nothing “to” whorry abuot!!!! Yiu jist stayh in Collidge and yiu nevver leeve!!!!! Yiu jist keep Getting Smarter “and” Smarter lyke I doo!!!!!!

Joe Collidge’s Term Paper

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Soddenly Our Collidge thay has desided “it” gots tobe moar Riggerice (wattevver That meens!!) and we shood “alll” has “to” rite Termb Paypers!!! Even in Nothing Studdies!!! It is crool,, butt thay say somb Haters in the Stayte Lejaslaychur thay are “goingto” taik A-whay A Lott “Of” our funnding unlest thare “is” moar Eddicaytshun hapening!!!!! That it is wye we has to rite Termb Paypers!!!! To proove the Collidge is knot jist waysting Munny!!!!!!

Wel i nevver rote no Term Payper the hole tyme i Been “in” collidge!! The prefesster she sayed “Jist reite yore Idear”^^ that aynt No helpp!! Idear? I hasnt hadded no Idear sints, like, Evver!!!!!!!!!!

Forchinittly my frend Fottzy, he hadded A Grate Idear and he sayed “Wye doughnt yiu jist rite watt i rite?? Weere all “goingto” rite “The saimb” Thing!!!”! That shoor taiked a lode Offf my “Mined”!” Aslo it is a whay “to” cellerbrayt Dyvercity!!!!

So our Toppick it is “Jo Bydin He Is “The” Re-Carnation of Pressadint Obomma and Pressadint Obomma He “Is” Naow A god!!!!!!!!!!” It is a grate toppick and we whill Awl “get” a A+++!!!

Somb Hater he sayed Jobydin he “is” Oalder thann Pressadint Obomma so he caint possablee be himb and anywhay Pressadint Obomma he “is” still Hear so he caint Be Re-in-carnaytid At All!!!!””!  So we al beet himb Up!!!!

Boy it “Is” Harrd to rite a Termb Payper, thay “are” maikin us rite A Hundrid 100 Werds and itt is Taikin me al Dhay!!!!!!!!

Stoopid Is Smart!!!!!

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Oh themb Biggits “and” Haters!!! Thay alyaws saying Collidge it “is” stoopid and aslo “it” maiks Us Stoodints evin stoopider “then” we all-reddy Are!!!!!

Yeahwell like one “of” my Nothing Studdies prefessers he sayed,, “Stoopid is the Dore Way to Smart”!” Ha ha!!!!!!!!

He eggsplaned “it”,, “Yiu got “to Be” Stoopid befoar yiu “canbe” Smart”” and aslo he Sayed yiu Has got tobe A Ninkumpoop befoar “yiu” canbe a Interllectural!!!! Becose awl “the” Reely Stoopid ones thay are Out Thair whorking and hasing famblies and That “is” wye thair isnt no Socile Jutstus!!!! Like watt cood “be” moar Stoopid than That???

Ordrinary dum peeple thay Think yiu has got “to” knowe Inglish % Histry $ Syints & Masthmaticks @ Littertchure and boy “are” thay Stoopid for “thinkin” That!!!! No Boddy kneeds “to” knoew enny “Of” that stuph BECOSE IT IS ALLL RACIST!!!”! But us Interllecturals heer “At” Collidge we are Pro-tecktid fromb knowing dum and stoopid stuph lyke That!!!! We Know Crickital Race Theery!!!!!! and Fifftie Genders!!!! and that is awl we kneed to knoew!!!!

Pop-Aye he wuz Reel!!!

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Collidge it is So grate!!! Tooday we hased a lexture “In” Nothing Studdies and i lernt somb Thing i diddnt know “be”foar!!!

Pop-Aye the Saler,, thay cawled himb That “be”cawse salers thay “Are” alyaws saying Aye-Aye,, he wuz “a” Reel Perdson!!!!!! Ownly it wuzznt True abuot himb eeting Spinnitch “to get” Strawng, no it wuzznt Spinnitch it was Pot!!! Maryywanna! Wen Pop-Aye he kneeded Sooper Stringth,,, he smoaked Pot!!!!! and it maid himb “as” strawng as Stuper Man!!!!!! In facked, the prefesser sayed, “Yiu cood nevver” say “whoo wood Win “in” a Fite betweeen Pop-Aye “and” Stuper Man!!”!”

He didded moast “Of” his salering in Kanzziz or Bacteria ((i ferget witch One), he billt this heer Grate Big Schip the SS Olav Oil witch he naimed “foar” “his” gril frend and get this!!! She wuz a Trans Wimmin!!!!! that is wye she looked Like that. He saled his schip Alll Ohver The Oshin untill Global Warming it maid the oshin dry Up and bloe Awhey!!!! He tryed to “dig” A “new” oshin but Gorge W Bussh that rat! he Stopped himb!!!

Layter onn “in” Lyfe Pop-Aye he becommed a Socile Juststus Wirer and chaced al the Snaiks out of Eyerland!!

I caint hardly Wate foar “the” neckst Lexture!!!!!!!!!!



Whare Is Jimb Crow???

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Sumbtimes a Collidge eddicasion it jist “blohs” yore Mynd!!!! and yiu think “”Haow come i nevver” “knowed this befour”??”

Yeasterday in Nothing Studdies we “lernt” awl aboat this heer Jimb Crow guy whoo “Is” aginst Pressadint Bydin and tryying “to” tern Amarica Intwo a Capptallist Countrie whith Chrischins in “it”!!!!!!!! It terns owt that “he” Has “been” dooing This foar Menny Yeers!!!

I immeedjitlee Ask’ed “Whell then haow Come” “he isnt been A-restid and putt in Jale???”?” I meen, man, yiu Caint Do Things Lyke That!!!!!!!!

The prefesser she ansurred “Its becose No Boddy knoaws whare he “is”!! And aslo too he is disguyzed As “a” Crow and yiu has sceen crows,, haow Can yiu possablie Tel one fromb Anether??”?”

Impotent poynt:: Thare “is” eevin Evvadints that Jimb Crow and Donold Trumpt thay “Are” “the” saim Purson!!!!! Whel that wood axplane a Lot “of” things!!

And then comming Back fromb “the” lexture i sceen a hole Buntch of Crows thay wher rihght thare on Our Kampis and thare Whasnt one of themb Waring A Faice Mask!!!!! Oh the Horrar of It!!!!!!!! Then I knowtised nun of The Pidgins was Waring Masks Neether!!!!!!!! Waht cood i doo butt Run Awaiy?? it whas Tearrafying!!!!!! i gess the Crows has teached the Pidgins to be Anty-Scyince!!!!

We has got to doo sumb-thing to keeep “all” themb Burds offf “our” Kampis!!!!!


Dambit!!! We has Got Hare Balls!!!!

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Dambit awll!!! Thare reely was Cat Hares in that Woke Co-Vidd Caik we hadded “last” weak,, “thare” Was lots “of” Cat Hares “in” It and i eated a hole Lot Of that caik and i Been has Hair Bawlls evry Day!!! jist lyke somb stopid Cat!!!!!!

Sombtymes “It Is” reeely harred To Be “a” Socile Jutstus Wirer,, nhow I cant Evin Eet jim sox whith-out “geting” anether Hare Bawll!! and i amb knot “the” ownly One!!! we has al has hairbawls!!!! and It Is “a” Big Shayme becose Pressadint Obomma he kneads “us” “to” Riot and do Protist stuph but itt Is So harred “to” brake shopp Whindows wile yiu “Are” hasing a hairbawlll!! Our hole Collidge we Are alll Sick!!!!! We tryed to has a meting “of” the Stoodint Soviet twoday And wee coodnt do it evry Boddy thay was Going eck-eck-eck all over!!

And thenn It got wurst!!!!!!!

Sumb guy he tolded us We cood “cure” Hare Bawlls by drinkin lots “of” hamb berger greece,, witch we beleaved and so somb “Of” us we tryed It “and” we coodnt Evin Pick “up” a brick let aloan Throwh It!!!!! Jist thinken Abuot it maiks me feeel Horrabull!!! I whish peeple thay wood “Be” moar Cairfull of waht thay Teeched us!!!!! How yiu goingto Be a Interllectural wen thay teeching Things witch maiks yiu evin Siccker???

We “are” supoased to got a Eczam too marrow in Nothing Studies and i jist amnt reddy F”or” it!!!!!!