Don’t Give These Videos as Gifts!

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Killer Quokkas!

Any time is a good time not to give the following videos as gifts!

Killer Quokkas, starring Chips Rafferty, Michael Caine, and Hedy LaMar. Quokkas are on the rampage, threatening to depopulate Australia. Only Hedy LaMar knows how to summon Godzilla from Monster Island–and she won’t tell, because she’s mad at Michael Caine.

(Byron the Quokka: “I resent this movie!”)

Only Slightly Better than Garbage: Join Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, washed-up football flop Colin Whatsisname, and the entire cast of The View in listing all the ways America sucks, all the ways Venezuela is better, and all their excuses for not going to live in Venezuela and bother us no more.

Eat Like a Cat! Cult documentary filmmaker Dolph Magnoon teaches you how to save money on your groceries by eating cat food in very small quantities and being hungry all the time. Special guest star: dietary expert Chelsea Clinton.

My Shameful Secret, a Swedish movie made by carpenter ants, stars a Howard Cosell look-alike whose speech is so garbled that even dubbing and subtitles can’t make him understood. To protect his life and property, his name has been removed from the credits. As to what the shameful secret is–well, we never find out, do we? You will be so sorry you paid $2.98 for this video disc!

There, you’ve been warned.

 

8 comments on “Don’t Give These Videos as Gifts!

  1. Save money by eating cat food? Have they checked out the price of cat food lately? It would be cheaper to eat the equivalent amount of steak. 🙂

  2. And come to think of it, I wouldn’t mind the killer quokka movie as long as I could turn off the audio and skip past all the parts featuring humans.

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