We Has Re–Infented Chesst!!

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The uther day hear At collidge we catched some racist Biggits playing Chesst! So whe caled a Emurgincy meating “of” The Stodent Soviet and we maid “all” “new” Rools of Chesst to get ridd “of” all “the” classism and maike It “a” gaim of Socile Jutstus And Equailitty!!!!

Fromb nhow on al the Chesst peeces thay has “got to” be Black and thare cant “be” No Moar whyte chesst thingys and aslo fromb nhow On “thare” be ownly Pauns!!!! That is “for” Equailitty!! We whil keeep themb Rooks in the coarners but nhow thay “wil” Not be Cassles no moar,, insted thay wil Be Ree-Eddication Fasillaties and thay wil Not Moove or do nothing elsse!!

We got ridd “of” themb Horsy Things the Knites becose it is tooo Ableist for humins to be tellling Aminals whatt to do!!! And no moar Biships becose that is Relijjin and it is UnConsatutchinal to has relijjin and aslo no more Quween becose it is Sexist!!! And fromb nhow on thare is ownly one King “butt” it “is” “not” a King annymoar,, it is Pressadint Obamma and he Is “the” King for boath sydes and he canno’t be putt “in” Check,, yiu cant do no things to himb at alll!!! and aslo he can moove annyware he whants!!!

No moar Catchering wil “be” aloud neether!!!!! If a Paun bumps intoo anether Paun thay has boath got to “go” “to” Ree-Eddication!!! And then the Paun comes back Into The gaim!!!

Well somb no-good Racist Biggit he aksed a stinky Quwestchin abuot how Are Yiu Saposed to Win??? And the anser it is “Yiu Doant!!!!!!!!” No moar Winning!! All the playyers thay win al “the” Tyme and aslo get “a” Pracipatacion Trofee!!!

This it will teech Grate Lessens in Socile Jutstus!!!

About leeduigon

I have lived in Metuchen, NJ, all my life. I have been married to my wife Patricia since 1977. I am a former newspaper editor and reporter. I was also the owner-operator of my own small business for several years. I wrote various novels and short stories published during 1980s and 1990s. I am a long-time student of judo and Japanese swordsmanship (kenjutsu). I also play chess, basketball, and military and sports simulations. View all posts by leeduigon

4 responses to “We Has Re–Infented Chesst!!

  • unknowable2

    As always Joe, you are ahead of the curve and way out in front. This is a real innovation. When I see people playing chess this way, I’ll know that they think just like you do and can take appropriate measures (run like hell) so as not to interfere with your important interlectural pursuits.

  • Phoebe

    Maybe the word in the title should be “infested” rather than “infented.” Joe and his buddies seem to infest everything around them.

    But come to think of it, what he describes is something like the way I played chess the first time one of my cousins tried to teach me the game. This cousin was winning chess tournaments by mail at the age of 12. Another cousin and I had more fun driving him nuts by deliberately messing up the rules while he was teaching us to play than we had with the game itself. Ah, youth…. 🙂

    I never did take to chess. For me and the fellow-subversive cousin I mentioned above, board games and card games were things to take lightly, things do with our hands while we were talking and enjoying each other’s company. Neither of us liked serious competition in games, and in fact we often cheated in each other’s favor during our board games and card games just to keep the games going. I’d say “ah, youth” again, but I still don’t like anything that involves cutthroat competition, whether in games or in organizations or even in careers. Oh well.

  • thewhiterabbit2016

    You’ve out done yourself with this one, Lee – hilarious, but so true. Leave it to the Left to even corrupt chess. For instance, Rashida Tlaid joined with the audience in booing Hillary Clinton, but of course she later had to apologize because you can’t be truthful with what you think and feel when on the Left.

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