The Search for Moderate Democrats

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The International Bigfoot Research Alliance (IBRA) has joined the search for “moderate Democrats.”

“This search has become a job for cryptozoology,” said IBRA Director Freddie Fungo. “All these years of hunting Bigfoot has prepared us for the biggest challenge of all–to prove the continued existence of moderate Democrats.”

The fact that they have not caught Bigfoot seems to have made no impression on them.

“Moderate Democrats were fairly numerous as recently as 2,400 B.C.,” Mr. Fungo said, “and as late as 1623, Sir John Mandeville reported an encounter with a good round dozen of them somewhere in the Everglades. And of course we know from history that Grover Cleveland not only existed, but was twice elected president.

“So they must be somewhere! It’s just a matter of looking in the right place. When we do find them,” he predicted, “they’ll be in the last place we look.”

And then, he said, “the challenge will be to protect them from poaching by today’s not-so-moderate Democrats.”

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