Brighten Your Day with False Facts 7.0!

Image result for images of silly quokkas

Greetings, earthlings! Byron here, your official spokesquokka for Acme False Facts, introducing the newest collectible set, False Facts 7.0.

The nooze has been just so bleak and dreary lately that Acme stepped up its production schedule–we need False Facts! How else are you going to impress people? Even a poor benighted platypus can stand tall, delivering genuine False Facts that nobody else in the room ever heard of! Here are just a few samples.

George Washington’s real name was Harvey, but he had it changed to confuse King George III of England. It worked. In fact, it drove the king mad, trying to work out who was who.

The ancient Minoan civilization on Crete went out of business because no one could speak their language–not even themselves.

Since the invention of The Forbidden Emoji, at least 96 persons who used it in their social media posts have gone missing. We’d have to be crazy, to show a picture of it.

Kumquat College now offers a degree program in Paranormal Etiquette.

Nikola Tesla invented a yo-yo that didn’t work.

It’s perfectly safe to have a pet wolverine in your house. Don’t let anyone tell you different.

By the year 2052, according to a peer-reviewed study by Acme Scientific Studies Inc., half the people in the Holy Roman Empire will look like Greta Thunberg. The other half will have fled the country.

There you have it, folks! Seven zingers. Want people to think you’re smart for knowing things that they don’t know? Acme False Facts to the rescue! Remember–it’s not what you say, but how authoritatively you say it!

5 comments on “Brighten Your Day with False Facts 7.0!

    1. One of our local liberal radio noozies got upset by the latter falsie. “But that’s fake news!” he cried. Of course, he’s due to retire in two days… so he can finally be honest.

  1. Off topic, but I have a hymn request: “Oh God Our Help in Ages Past.” (Or whatever the actual title of the hymn is.)

Leave a Reply