Quokka U. Progress Report

(While Lee and Pat make vain and futile efforts to buy basic household goods, turn we now unto Quokka University…)

G’day, folks! Byron the Quokka here–at Quokka University, no less, where exciting things are happening. We’re shooting for Sept. 31 as the official opening of our first semester–so sign up now! “Ipso loquitur mannimota,” is our motto.

We have signed up Violet Crepuscular’s former high school boyfriend, Otto Claptrap, to give a series of special lectures on topics of compelling intellectual interest. Here are some of the titles:

*”Whose fault is it if you get blown up after walking onto property clearly posted as a mine field?”

*”Why do people go on cruise ships when they’re just going to do the same things they could have done on land?”

*”Is dinosaur soft tissue edible? If so, who’s eating it?”

*”Why am I lecturing to a bunch of quokkas and other marsupials?”

Meanwhile, someone is tugging my tail about the comment contest. Hey, lay off! I can’t make readers comment, can I? Caw, it’s as the spirit moves ’em, isn’t it?

Last I looked, there were less than a thousand comments to go to No. 60,000, a major milestone. But I can’t run a contest and track down Mr. Claptrap at the same time. I had to negotiate all his fees, y’know. Whatever else you say about him, at least he’s cheap!