Chapter CCCLXIII of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, ended with Lady Margo Cargo averse to having her wedding without being able to wear her grandmother’s glass eye, which her crusty old butler, Crusty, has hidden in an unused wing of Coldsore Hall, along with all the other glass eyes and Lady Margo’s jewels. Ms. Crepuscular introduces Chapter CCCLXIV with a selection of fan mail.
“Reader Smokey Burgess, of Fishbowl, Alabama, writes: ‘What’s so special about Lady Margo Cargo’s grandmother’s glass eye? I always say if you’ve seen one glass eye, you’ve seen ’em all.’ And from Mrs. Ellen Melon of Sons of Hercules Township, Michigan, we have, ‘I wore the wrong glass eye for my wedding, and it was the ruin of everything!’
“Well, dear reader, now you can understand Lady Margo’s dilemma! Who wants to risk the ruin of everything?”
Ms. Crepuscular admits that she has been “inundated” with reader mail throughout the week, “not counting those nasty letters from people who tell me I should just stop writing and go soak my head,” she adds. “There are many schools of thought on choosing a glass eye for a wedding, each school bitterly opposed to all the others. I had no idea!”
Meanwhile the aristocratic thief, Sir Robin Banks, hiding out in Coldsore Hall, has begun to wonder if there’s anything worth stealing in this ancient, opulent country house: maybe he ought to peek into some of the other rooms. Comments Ms. Crepuscular, “I think you will agree that this heightens the suspense to a nearly unbearable degree! I had to drink a whole bottle of rum before I could get to sleep last night. Yo-ho-ho indeed!”
Maybe that’s why she has not yet written Chapter CCCLXIV, except for the parts we have already considered here. It has not been much of a performance.
4 comments on “Lady Margo’s Grandmother’s Glass Eye (‘Oy, Rodney’)”
I’d kind of like to see what kind of chapter Ms. Crepuscular would produce after a whole bottle of rum. Or … wait … maybe all the other chapters have been written the same way.
As a result of her night’s potations, she was unable to carry on with the full chapter the next day.
Whoever heard of a wedding without a glass eye? What was Ms. Crepuscular thinking, anyway? Maybe she should switch to Vodka – it might inspire some Russian intrigue.
I’ll bet if we took a poll of the readers we’d find a lot of people who’ve had this experience.