Hold everything! The nooze has just taken an unexpected turn.
Free American Press (FAP) has called the 2020 presidential election for rapper Kanye West.
I think that means Kim Kardashian gets to be First Lady.
FAP has announced that its computers, upon completion of recent updates, recorded 91.2 million votes for the rapper, including virtually unanimous votes in Michigan, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Arizona. Guam also came out strong for West.
“He is now President-Elect Kanye West,” FAP reports, “and will have to set up an Office of the President-Elect.”
FAP is also counting votes for William P. McScrod, no political affiliation, who has not yet been informed of his write-in-mail-in candidacy. “We are still trying to locate him,” said a source in FAP. “No one seems to know where he lives; but the record shows he voted this year in both Delaware and New Jersey. So at least he’s real!”