Next Step: Impeach the Dead

Image result for images of skeleton in chair with cobwebs

Now that the Senate has decided they can impeach someone who holds no public office–at least, as long as his name is Donald Trump–Democrats are already drooling over the next step in their fundamental transformation of America:

Impeaching the dead.

“Being dead does not give you a pass for incorrect behavior!” declared Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-Mordor). “George Washington’s rap sheet is as long as your arm! Ditto Jefferson, Jackson, Grant–the whole kit and kaboodle of ’em!”

The plan, Schumer said, is for every Republican president in American history to be posthumously impeached: “And the beauty of it,” he added, “is that their crimes are part of the historical record–no way they can defend themselves!”

Eventually, he said, Democrats will Save Our Democracy by making America a one-party state and outlawing the Republican Party altogether.

But how do you punish someone who died a hundred years ago?

“Oh, that’s easy!” chortled Schumer. They don’t call him Chortlin’ Chuck for nothing. “Completely destroy their reputations, and then erase them from the historical record, just like the ancient Egyptians used to do with unpopular pharaohs. It’ll be as if they never existed!”

“The Living Constitution lets us do anything we want!” exulted Squeaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. “We’re already drawing up impeachment articles on John Tyler–start with a president no one remembers or cares about, and working our way up to doing biggies.”

2 comments on “Next Step: Impeach the Dead

  1. This is almost to close to the bone (pun, pun!) for it to be satire.

    I suppose Chuck and Nancy are too creaky in the limbs to go out and tear down statues so they have to do a paperwork-and-show-trial erasure instead…. Which gives me an idea: Why don’t we just erect some statues of Trump so they can pull those down and go home instead of wasting the taxpayers’ time and money on an elaborate show trial?

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