Nothing false about these tasty leaves!
Acme False Facts Inc. wishes to squelch rumors that some of the false facts in their sets are, in fact… true.
Unlike TV nooze, Acme guarantees all its facts to be 100% false. Otherwise Quokka University wouldn’t be selling them as fund-raisers.
G’day! Byron the Quokka here–with the top five phony facts that certain low-life persons have asserted to be true. This endangers the credibility of all false facts! And hurts our fund-raising efforts, too.
Well, here they are. Guaranteed totally bogus!
*A lawyer in Mordor, Massachusetts, has successfully unionized the fleas in his state’s flea circuses–who are now on strike for higher wages and better benefits. His lawsuit is expected to win, hands down.
*Homer used a manual typewriter to write The Iliad.
*Popeye the Sailor was a real person who looked just like he does in the cartoons. He had to give up being a sailor when he moved to Shrivel County, Nevada, which has no water.
*For most of his life, Louis XIV, king of France, was only 18 inches tall. But later in life, treatments with Vigoro Plant Food shot him up to three feet. It also gave him a third foot, the use of which he never quite mastered.
*Rogue elephants have been sedated and hypnotized by providing them with non-stop reruns of Dance Fever. It doesn’t work with crocodiles, though.
I defy anyone to discover even an iota of truth in any of these.