Tag: Acme False Facts Inc.

Beware False ‘False Facts’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Fingers Crossed Kid Images – Browse 3,435 Stock Photos, Vectors, and Video | Adobe Stock

Acme False Facts Inc. has issued a warning to its customers to steer clear of its competitor, Super False Facts Ltd.

Company president Archimedes K. Pellagra said, “If you try to use any of our competitor’s false facts, you’ll only look like an idiot. Here are a few examples of their inferior product.”

*Sheol is the capital of South Korea.

*Hoop snakes only roll down hill when no one’s looking.

*Bonomo’s Turkish Taffy was never made by Turks.

*Henry Mancini wrote “Pop Goes the Weasel.”

*Eating bacon with every meal will help you grow hair.

“Pathetic, isn’t it?” Mr. Pellagra said. “I mean, what is the point of a false fact that everybody knows is false? Whereas our false facts are Genuine False Facts, and if you recite them with enough conviction, it’s almost impossible to disbelieve them.

“Avoid cheap imitations! Our country already has enough real idiots.”

Absolutely Amazing Historical Trivia

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Great Pyramid of Giza - Wikipedia

In what may be the earliest-known April Fool’s prank, Thutmose III compelled the priests of Amon to skateboard down the north face of the Great Pyramid (the usual practice was the south face)–without telling them about the pool full of crocodiles at the bottom. That was a real knee-slapper!

Anyhow, here are a few little-known facts of history you can trot out to amaze your family and friends.

*Alan Hale, the actor, was the real Prince of Wales. He didn’t like to say so.

*Professional wrestling was originally a religious ritual practiced by Lutherans.

*Carnivorous rabbits–described as “furry piranhas that live on land”–are increasingly a problem in Australia.

*In 1998 the undeclared and largely unnoticed war between the United Kingdom and Portugal was resolved by a friendly game of bridge. Portugal won the game and was awarded ownership of Wales.

These mind-boggling historical tidbits are brought to you by Acme False Facts Inc. We guarantee all our facts to be 100% untrue.

Honest, Genuine False Facts

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Quokka Eating Leaves Stock Photo (Edit Now) 144023728

Nothing false about these tasty leaves!

Acme False Facts Inc. wishes to squelch rumors that some of the false facts in their sets are, in fact… true.

Unlike TV nooze, Acme guarantees all its facts to be 100% false. Otherwise Quokka University wouldn’t be selling them as fund-raisers.

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–with the top five phony facts that certain low-life persons have asserted to be true. This endangers the credibility of all false facts! And hurts our fund-raising efforts, too.

Well, here they are. Guaranteed totally bogus!

*A lawyer in Mordor, Massachusetts, has successfully unionized the fleas in his state’s flea circuses–who are now on strike for higher wages and better benefits. His lawsuit is expected to win, hands down.

*Homer used a manual typewriter to write The Iliad.

*Popeye the Sailor was a real person who looked just like he does in the cartoons. He had to give up being a sailor when he moved to Shrivel County, Nevada, which has no water.

*For most of his life, Louis XIV, king of France, was only 18 inches tall. But later in life, treatments with Vigoro Plant Food shot him up to three feet. It also gave him a third foot, the use of which he never quite mastered.

*Rogue elephants have been sedated and hypnotized by providing them with non-stop reruns of Dance Fever. It doesn’t work with crocodiles, though.

I defy anyone to discover even an iota of truth in any of these.

 

Beware Fake False Facts!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of gerbils

It pains us to report that certain unscrupulous persons are horning in on the market created and nurtured by Acme False Facts Inc., the original and authentic false facts.

However, the discerning customer will quickly be able to see the difference between a real false fact, provided by Acme, and a phony false fact from Oobatz False Facts Inc.–pretenders and interlopers that they are.

For instance:

A) Gerbils evolved from birds.

B) Robin Hood is buried in Abilene, Kansas.

Now, which of those is the authentic, genuine, Acme false fact, and which one is the cheap Oobatz imitation? Of course! You spotted it instantly. False Fact A is authentic, and B is just a lot of hooey that no one with the intelligence of a paramecium would ever believe!

We have truly sunk to a new depth, haven’t we, when money-grubbing scoundrels have to stoop to counterfeiting False Facts. And no, we are not impressed by Oobatz’s spurious “guarantee” that all of their false facts are verifiably false, or your money back.

Stick with Acme! Our False Facts are truly false!