Let Us Finish Your Sentences!

Computer Worship' by Joseph S. Salemi | Society of Classical Poets

The Golden Calf’s got nothin’ on this.

Free World Obedience Corp. (“Compliance ‘R’ Us”) is designing a master computer that will make it impossible to criticize the government… or even disagree with anything a government spokes-thingy says.

The general idea is to tie each and every computer, everywhere, in to a master computer that will finish users’ sentences for them, even as they try to type them. (No, it will not finish prison sentences. Only verbal sentences.) “Why bother to suppress wrong speech,” says company president John Kerry, “when you can just make wrong speech impossible? In fact, when you can turn it into right speech!”

He provided an example. “Let’s say you want to say, ‘Beloved President Joe Biden is a schnook.’ Your computer will type ‘Beloved President Joe Biden is a hero.’ No matter how many times you try to type something hateful, it’ll display as something nice.”

(No, FWOC will not finish your prison sentence for you! Please pay attention!)

Eventually, he said, the master computer will be master of the world, “Sort of like a god. Every single computer in the world will be hooked up to it.” With a twinkle in his eye, he added, “And the beauty of it is, it’s only going to cost some 400 trillion dollars–chicken feed! We can print up that much money in just a few days.”

“You’ll all be amazed at how happy this makes everybody in the world!” he added. “Like we say at Davos, you’ll own nothing and be happy! And if not–” his eyes not only twinkled, but glinted–“well, heh-heh-heh!”


5 comments on “Let Us Finish Your Sentences!

  1. This garbage makes me so mad- and I really don’t like to get mad, but how can you avoid it!?

    1. Patty says you can turn off that function somehow, you should let your son look it up. She wasn’t sure she understood the instructions, and didn’t want to give you a bum steer.

  2. This is almost too close to the truth to be funny. We may find ourselves having to go back to writing in longhand on paper and developing a samizdat copying and distribution system.

  3. If my fingers were not so weak, twisted and sore, I think I would go back to paper and pen.

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