Byron’s TV Listings, May 21

multiple image galleries

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with Quokka University’s weekend TV listings. Lee is off getting interviewed somewhere, so I’m on my own. I don’t mind if you don’t!

Here are a few samples from our weekend menu.

2 P.M.  Ch. 11   DANCE TO THE MUZAK–Game show

Our hidden camera watches contestants dance to the Muzak that’s pumped into the elevator car while regular passengers watch, confused and maybe just a little bit scared! The grand prize goes to the contestant who can annoy and unsettle the most riders without getting punched in the nose. Host: Sales vice president Jack “Happy” Pew at Metro Studebaker, Ponca City.

2:15 P.M.  Ch. 08  JIMMY FRAUD’S DELUSIONS–News

He’s only just discovered that he’s psychic, and can report the news before it actually happens. None of his predictions has come true, so far, but “that’s only natural, I’ve got to get warmed up,” he explains. Co-anchor: Dan Rather. With T’an Pu T’ing and his pots and pans orchestra.

2:30 P.M.  Ch. 22  HYPOCHONDRIAC HEAVEN–Variety/medical

You name it, someone in the audience has it! Join host Jacob Marley as he tries to find a disease that no one in the studio has or has had. It’s been three years since he thought he’d found one–only to have a man with just one buttock claim the prize. Color commentary by Joyce Carol Oates. Special guest: Alvin the Octopus.

3 P.m.  Ch. 36  MOVIE–Horror

“The Man Who Feared Hamsters” (Bolivian-Silurian, 1996) is Shabby Jones (bodybuilder Tom Platz), marked for death by the KBG (no, not the KGB!), must elude the killer hamsters that they’ve programed to hunt him down and eat him. Film critic Prabhu Patnabhirish called it “Absolutely the worst movie ever made.” Spymaster: Ben Gunn. Femme Fatale: June Allyson. Assassins: the June Taylor Dancers. Song: “I Busted My Coccyx on the See-Saw.”

Ch. 48  DUST BUNNIES–Western adventure, with soliloquies

Who are the Dust Bunnies? The most feared gunfighters who ever hid under a bed! Marshal Pete Cottontail (Richard Simmons) recruits only the toughest, meanest, deadliest hombres. This week: The Bunnies take on savage Sea Monkeys for control of Drybones Air Force Base, just two miles out of Tucson. Hoppy: Zoe Caldwell. Floppy: John Inman. Col. Tubbs: Some guy from New Jersey.

Well, folks, I hope these have whetted your appetite for another weekend of glorious, edifying, hair-raising television!

Quokkas: why we need to look beyond the smile - Australian Geographic

(Rushing to get to my TV before I miss anything! Byron the Quokka, signing off)

 

2 comments on “Byron’s TV Listings, May 21

  1. Oh, I can hardly wait to see the Dust Bunnies. And by the way, when I was working in NYC in my youth, I sometimes did see someone dancing (or at least bouncing or twitching in rhythm) to elevator Muzak. Since it was NYC, everyone else either didn’t pay attention or pretended not to be paying attention.

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