Holy moly, it’s almost Christmas! Time to line the ol’ nest with some fresh grass. And time to sit back and groove on some of these great TV shows collected by Quokka University.
7:34 P.M. Ch. 72 MOVIE–Indescribable (good luck with it)
Ignore those mean-spirited critics who said Sammy the Samurai (Bolivian, 1982) was “what a movie would look like if monkeys made it.” Leo Gorcey plays a demoralized samurai searching for pastrami. Mr. Greenjeans: Gil Hodges. Doris the Tree Sloth: Heather Locklear. Man with lots of hang-ups: Bill Harzia.
7:45 P.M. Ch. 16 TOTALLY MADE-UP NEWS THAT WON’T FOOL ANYONE–News
Join co-anchors Bud Abbot and Lou Costello for the absolute worst in TV journalism! Really, if you believe anything this show reports, you need a rubber room. Sports: Chiang Kai-shek. Weather: Sandy Duncan. Featured: the June Taylor Dancers.
8 P.M. Ch. 08 CELEBRITY PARKING–Game Show
Which of the celebrity contestants will find and claim the only open parking space in Metuchen, NJ? Better succeed! Losers are put to death. Tonight’s contestants: Whoopi Goldberg, Cher, Keith Olberman, Madame Pompadour, Taras Bulba. Host: Some poor guy with a lot of parasites.
Ch. 14 MY LITTLE MUMSY–Sitcom
Mumsy is a 45-foot-long sea serpent that doesn’t like living on land–and in the suburbs, no less. Her “mommy” (Debbie Reyolds) and “daddy” (Warren G. Harding) have to protect her from Captain Ahab (Tim Conway), fanatic with a harpoon. Tonight: Mumsy destroys the local 7-11.
8:30 P.M. Ch. 25 SPARKY THE CAT–Superhero series
Bugs McGrew (believed to be played by Sir Ralph Richardson) by day is a non-entity in charge of America’s nuclear arsenal. But when he squeezes the catnip mouse in his pocket, the transforms instantly into Sparky the Cat! This week: Sparky gets tangled up in Bugs’ clothes and unknowingly hits the “Launch” button.
Well, you can’t beat these, can you? I know I can’t!
Byron the Quokka, signing off…
Hmph, Abbott and Costello would be more believable than what passes for news reporting now. Come to think of it, the real news is becoming more and more like Quokka TV every day, right down to the freak in charge of nuclear waste. As for the parking spot competition, I think one of those contestants would probably just heave an already parked car across the street and take its spot. And no, I’m not talking about Taras Bulba, but about Whoopi Goldberg.
But I’d really like to see an episode of “Mumsy.”
MY LITTLE MUMSY will be my choice, although it is hard to pass up a show that features the June Taylor Dancers. I am always on the look out for a good sitcom – the only one I really like is The Barney Miller Show which was done in the 1970’s (thank goodness for reruns).