Oh, No! A Preposition Shortage!

Commonly Confused Prepositions—In/Into, On/Onto, Between/Among Trinka

The Biden administration is taking firm steps to prevent Western Europe’s damaging preposition shortage from spilling over into the United States.

The preposition shortage is caused by Transphobia, scientists say. Note the illustration above, in which “expect” is offered to us as a preposition in place of “except.” The confusion is increasing!

“We are not going to let this happen here,” said Dr. Imshi Bowwow, recently appointed preposition czar. “If we have to, we’ll make up new prepositions to fill the void left by the others. For instance, if you can’t say ‘Ze is in that room’ because ‘in’ has suddenly dropped out of the language, you can still say ‘Ze zum that room.’

“And if that doesn’t work, we may have to sacrifice a noun or an adverb–whatever it takes! Like, man, we’re already in deep trouble with our pronouns! But it’s not without a silver lining. If people can’t talk, they can’t say bad things!”

And there’s always pantomiming as a last resort, they added. Note the “they.”

So far, Finland has been the country hardest hit. In, at, of, and with are rapidly disappearing from the language. “But at least they’ve got a transgender figure skater!” Dr. Bowwow said. “Maybe the trade-off is worth it.”

(P.S.–They’ve also spelled “across” as “accross.”)

2 comments on “Oh, No! A Preposition Shortage!

Leave a Reply