Violet Crepuscular, “the Queen of Suspense,” seems to be still a bit waterlogged from that ducking she received in Ongs Hat, NJ. Here we’ve been waiting, chapter after chapter, hundreds of chapters, for Lord Jeremy Coldsore to marry Scurveyshire’s richest widow, Lady Margo Cargo.
But here, in Chapter DXXXV of her immortal romance, Oy, Rodney, she has shocked us, amazed us, knocked us for a loop.
For Lord Jeremy has fallen in love–and not with his fiancee.
Here’s where the skullful of water comes in. Lord Jeremy has fallen in love with a damsel named Micropora (not her real name; he has imagined this one). If these events were set in 2023 instead of 18-something, Micropora would be a plastic lawn ornament. A garden gnome. Here she’s Jeremy Coldsore’s sudden passion. Which does not rule our her being a garden gnome… but this whole business is–I don’t know. Regrettable?
The American adventurer, Willis Twombley, is also engaged to be married to Lady Margo. She thinks he and Lord Jeremy are the same person and gets nervous when they’re all in a room together. Her solution is to stay out of rooms.
Ms. Crepuscular addresses her readers: “Make sure to be here next week,” she says, “so you can find out what Mr. Twombley says!”
If that ain’t suspense, I don’t know what is.
So are Lady Margo Cargo and the garden gnome going to get into a hair-pulling fight over Lord Jeremy? And do garden gnomes have hair? The suspense is almost unbearable.
They don’t call her the Queen of Suspense for nothin’.
Great strategic advice. I’d write more, but I’ve resolved to stay out of rooms, from now on. In view of the fact that it is an unseasonably cold 28 degrees Fahrenheit, that means I will be outside in a sleeping bag, if anyone needs me. 🙂
Think of all the trouble you’d never get into if you never went into a room anywhere.
There have been any number of rooms I wish I had never entered, that’s for certain.
I’ll just identify whatever room I’m in as “outdoors.” Won’t even have to change its pronouns.
What pronouns do you generally use in talking about rooms?
“It” for one, “they” for multiples. Actually, the pronouns I use for everything are called “standard English.” 🙂
That makes you a racist, doesn’t it?
Also a xenophobe. And a transphobe. Oh well. I’ve been called worse. As the saying goes, you can call me anything as long as you don’t call me late for dinner.
Our high school math teacher, Mr. Gracchi, used to say that. Would you believe his middle name was Tiberius? How cool was that!
Good idea, Phoebe.