Hi-ho, hi-ho! Byron the Quokka here, boys ‘n’ girls, with another weekend’s worth of fabulous TV guaranteed to grow facial hair on places where you never expect to see it! Here’s just a brief sample of the wonderfulness that Quokka University has lined up for you.
6:17 P.M. Ch. 47 NEWS WITH JOCKO–News & commentary
It has often been said that any troop of monkeys could put together an evening news show–and News with Jocko proves it! Jocko the anchor-monkey has learned how to scatter cue cards, and Suzie Q the beat reporter has bitten five firemen. Let’s see who gets you-know-what thrown at them tonight!
6:30 P.m. Ch. 21 MR. SOFTEE, CRIME-BUSTER–Adventure
Mild-mannered ice cream vendor Mr. Softee (Richard Boone) has very strong opinions about crime, but is afraid to express them. Tonight: A gas station robbery lands Mr. Softee in hot water with the U.S. Senate. Sen. Schmendrick: Sandy Duncan. Sen. Tickletoby: Lou Albano
Ch. 66 SQUID MAN–Heart-stopping drama
(Actually the one episode really did stop several people’s hearts, and the producers were sued.) Nestor Shylock (Martin Balsam) has a right arm twice as long as the left; or is the left arm only half as long as the right? Either way, he catches both criminals and pigeons. Tonight: An unscrupulous cabby (Andre the Giant) overcharges passengers! Mrs. Abplanalp: Mary Stupid.
7 P.M. Ch. 16 MOVIE–Greek tragedy
Sharon Stone stars as Medea (Serbo-Scythian, 2004: 286 minutes), the sorceress who takes a monstrous revenge on her clod of a husband (Casey Stengel) in the classical Greek tragedy re-set in New Jersey to save money and featuring a lot of New Jersey politicians that you never heard of. Musical score by Stephen Hawking.
7:15 P.M. Ch. 18 THE SHAME GAME–Game show
Celebrities Swede Overmayr, Joanie Pillpott, and Wu Wei-Shu team up with ordinary schlubs from the studio audience to see which team will escape nationwide disgrace and ignominy! You’ve never seen anyone so badly humiliated. With Dr. Gesundheit and his orchestra. Host: An unnamed herbivorous mammal. Music by the Local 212 Band, Amalgamated Brotherhood of Meat-Grinders.
Well, there you have it! Remember–if you missed any part of Mr. Softee, or wish to see it again… sorry, you’re out of luck.
I just gave this guy an autograph–and then he found out I wasn’t really Dick Cavett. Byron the Quokka, signing off!
4 comments on “Byron’s TV Listings, April 22”
Hilarious! But with all that music on the Shame Game, where are the June Taylor Dancers? Maybe the News with Jocko will explain it all. As for Richard Boone playing the mild-mannered Mr. Softee, will his theme song be “Have Spoon, Will Travel”?
I must be off my game, forgetting the June Taylor Dancers. The management regrets the error.
There may have been (ahem) other things on your mind this week. 😉
Yeah, kinda. Lucky I got anything done at all.