‘Curses, Foiled Again! No Sea Level Rise for New York, Washington, D.C.’ (2016)

If only we’d paid higher taxes!

Well, we don’t have to shed crocodile tears for New York (“glub-glub-glub!”) and Washington, D.C. capsizing (“Man the lifeboats!”) on account of rising sea levels due to [trumpet fanfare] Global Warming, now repackaged as Climate Change.

Curses, Foiled Again! No Sea Level Rise for New York, Washington D.C.

Gee, imagine the FBI going underwater before they can spy on any more parents who object to local school board policies. Imagine Elizabeth Warren and Chuck Schumer fighting over a set of water wings.

Unfortunately, the sea level did not rise and all the predictions were baloney. New York and Washington are still here. You decide whether that makes the country better or worse off.