The Marlin, TX, school district postponed its high school graduation because, school officials said, only 5 members of the senior class met the state standards for graduation (https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/26/us/marlin-high-school-texas-graduation/index.html#:~:text=A%20rural%20Texas%20high%20school,5%20seniors%20meet%20graduation%20requirements&text=A%20high%20school%20in%20Marlin,seniors%20met%20requirements%20for%20graduation.). The other 28 were held back because of poor grades and poor attendance.
Update: 17 seniors, in just one week, have supposedly made up for their insufficiencies.
Never mind! CYA Inc. has provided a solution.
Yes, why let your high school twist in the wind because nobody can graduate? Shift the blame to where it belongs–parents, grandparents, Donald Trump, and even the kids themselves if things get really gnarly!
CYA’s Substitute Diploma will get educators off the hook. Here’s a sample:
This is to certify that the ________ School District has attempted to give So-and-so an education conforming to state standards and that it’s his/her own fault that he/she is still an idiot. This is what they get for cutting class–it’s not our fault!
This way the school can still have a sort-of graduation celebration. Hand out these certificates as if they were diplomas and tell these wayward students “Hasta la vista, baby!”
Endorsed by 36 teachers’ unions nationwide!
When someone graduates without really deserving to, it simply devalues the diploma for everyone. The same sort of thing is happening with colleges, as well.
A degree in Intersectional Ciswomen’s Wresting is worthless? Say it ain’t so!
Yeah, right — in one week, everyone suddenly went from illiterate and innumerate to highly educated. Yup. I believe it. Now, about that bridge you wanted to sell me….
When I sub at the predominantly white schools, I only have to count one or maybe two absent. But when I sub the predominantly minority schools as much as 1/3 of the class will be absent. Does noticing this make me a racist? I think not.
Actually we’re not supposed to notice things like that.