G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with this week’s glorious TV brought to you by Quokka University. It’s a good thing Lee put this off for a while: somehow a lot of silly stuff crept in and I had to get rid of it. Only good stuff left! Like these:
7:30 P.M. Ch. 11 MAMA GESUNDHEIT’S ROWBOAT–Sitcom
Eccentric billionaire Mama Gesundheit (Linda Hunt) takes deserving couples for rowboat rides on The Lake of No Return; and few of them are ever seen again! This week: newlywed kung-fu experts Steve and Bessie (Eddie Albert, Dame Judith Anderson) try to take over the rowboat. Song: “How Dry I Am.”
Ch. 14 HOUSEBREAKING DANGEROUS WILD ANIMALS–Educational
Now that you’ve got your 9-foot-long Komodo dragon, how do you get him not to mess up your house? Ed “Stumpy” Fongo risks his life to show you how! Also: What to do when your wolverine gets cranky.
7:45 P.M. NEWS FOR NINNIES–News & commentary
Do you believe everything you see on TV? If you do, this is the news show for you! Tonight: Baker makes exploding wedding cake; high school football star talks backwards; U.S. Senator says Guam is drifting off its location and must be towed back. Anchor: This guy who talks like Popeye the Sailor.
8 P.M. MOVIE–Medical thriller
In “The Spandex Epidemic” (Bulgarian, 1991; 455 minutes), horrible weather cuts off from civilization a scientific base in Antarctica–and everyone’s clothes turn into Spandex. Dr. Phil: Mike Mazurki. Dr. Phyllis: Jane Seymour. Dr. Philbert: Orville Redenbacher. Alfred Hitchcock, much against his will, makes a cameo that will give you fits!
Well, that’s all I’ve got for this afternoon. We’re trying very hard to bring you only serious dramatic fare.
Hurry home before the broadcasts start! Byron the Quokka, signing off.