Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 9

Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV July 31st through August 6th, 1982

G’day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of glorious TV brought to you by Quokka University. Here are a few samples.


Where is Joe Collidge? Last seen taking a TikTok Challenge to gargle with Acme Linoleum Cleaner, he failed to show up yesterday for his weekly essay. Our Special Panel investigates! Panel members: Col. John D. Craig, Will and Ariel Durant, Phyllis Diller, and Pee Wee Herman. With the June Taylor Dancers.

6:15 P.M.  Ch. 18  COWBOY NEWS WITH BOB SZSIKSZID–News and commentary

Cowboy City, which flourished in Hungary in 1886, has become the subject of a frantic search by frantic archaeologists. Plus sports with Elvin the Squirrel, a middle school staffed by fired police officers, and a new way of singing with one’s mouth full of Good & Plenty candy.

7 P.M.   Ch. 22  MOVIE–“The Tammy Movie That They Couldn’t Show’

We had a tough time getting this! Irene “Granny” Ryan has the title role in Tammy and the Impolite Zombies (Dutch, 1961: 476 minutes), with an all-star cast you never heard of. Can the sprightly young maiden drive hideous zombies out of her local sub shop? Mr. Beezer: Alan Alda. Maniacal Zombie chief: Andy Devine. Song: “I Can’t Find My Coccyx with Both Hands.”

Ch. 37  IVY LEAGUE HEAD-BUTTING–(It’s supposed to be a sport)

Join host Vlad “the Impaler” McKool as teams from Harvard and Columbia Universities square off to see who has the hardest heads! (The exclamation mark makes it exciting!) Winning team gets to dump its whole stock of Bud Lite. Consolation Prize: a month’s supply of out-of-date Acme Turtle Food.

Well, that should be enough to get you going. I never thought Irene Ryan could play Tammy… and I guess I was right.

Is the Quokka a Real Animal? |

We’re all getting together for a TV party at Jack’s Scuba Shop!

6 comments on “Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 9

  1. Wow, these all sound so great that I can’t decide which to watch — or which I would watch if I had a TV. The hunt for Joe Collidge is tied at the top of my list with Cowboy News, but all of them are spectacular. And I’m glad to see that the June Taylor Dancers are back.

  2. I wonder, has Byron heard about the new cooking program, Cooking with Marsupials? Each week on the program, two skilled Australian Aboriginal chefs cook three or four wonderfully tasty dishes, prepared with various kinds of rare and unique marsupials. I would love to hear any comments he may have.

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