(“You will never catch a quokka wearing a rug like that!”)
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with this weekend’s awesome TV menu served up to you steaming hot by Quokka University! Here are just a few of these gems:
6:02 P.M. Ch. 07 THEY CALL IT ‘HAIR’–Celebrity chit-chat
Who’s got the most unconvincing rug in Hollywood? Yeesh, look at that thing Howard Cosell wore in 1988. And they’re worried about women not making it as sportscasters? Try it as a quokka sometime!
6:15 P.M. Ch. 12 SECRETS OF MY DNA–Science reality TV
How would you like to find out you have horseshoe crab DNA in your body? Join host Polly “the Squid” Amory as she exposes guests as not quite human. Whoever has the wildest DNA wins a part in the new werewolf movie, Lookin’ North and Walkin’ South.
6:30 P.M. Ch. 24 NEWS WITH CHILLBLAINS–Experimental
Would TV news be more convincing if the newsies were freezing to death as they reported it? How badly must a reporter’s teeth chatter before he can be credited with inventing a new language? How deep a shade of blue can you get before they have to let you back indoors? Studio located on Solitude Island, Russia… so you know it’s cold up there! Anchor: One of those famous people who sort of disappeared.
7 P.M. Ch. 46 AT HOME WITH THE SHRIKES–Indefensible sitcom
Reincarnated as human after several lifetimes as savage little birds of prey, Doc and Flimsey Shrike (Walter Brennan, Donna Reed) continue their predatory ways after moving to LaFong Corners, New Jersey. Tonight: Flimsey impulsively devours a Cub Scout leader, necessitating another visit to Jimbo the Lawyer (Gabby Hayes). Special featured attraction: the June Taylor Dancers dance to “Where’s My Coccyx, Sweetheart?”
Well, that’s enough to get you started! Imagine finding out you’ve got spider DNA… and not knowing what kind of spider it is.
“Let me in! I don’t want to miss ‘The Shrikes’!”
Byron the Quokka signing off.
G’day, Byron and good on ya for all your great work. I remember some of these.
” THEY CALL IT ‘HAIR’–Celebrity chit-chat” – there is no telling how many women we see wearing wigs and we don’t even know it, especially those who go through chemo. “SECRETS OF MY DNA–Science reality TV” – this one really interests me because I just read from Dr. Malone (who invented the mRNA) that the Moderna Covid-19 vaccines contained billions of pieces of DNA as well as the mRNA, and that it probably causes cancer. “Another interesting one. I have heard of TV weatherwomen in Ukraine who would strip as they gave the forecast. “AT HOME WITH THE SHRIKES–Indefensible sitcom” – This one sounds too exoteric for my tastes, but I do love the June Tayor dancers, and I wished Donna Reed was my mother when I was young.
Well, this is almost as good as being closely related to Donna Reed.
g’day, Byron, and good on ya for your great work.