Oooh! Just nine more days till Christmas. Byron the Quokka here–and I feel kind of oogy about advertising some of this TV stuff, so close to Christmas. But it’s not anybody at Quokka University offering “Gamblers Junkets” to Las Vegas. Better you should say home and watch TV.
6:46 P.M. Ch. 72 SUPER-SPORTZ!!!–Shameless infomercial
Supposedly this “Super-Sportz Pro Gear” will transform anyone, but anyone, into a star athlete. Buying and wearing it will also Save The Planet. Join pitchman John Kerry for an hour-long festival of lying!
7 P.M. Ch. 10 GASSWORD–Game show in terribly poor taste
Sponsored by Alka-Seltzer, Gassword requires contestants to consume great quantities of beans and broccoli and then correctly solve intricate word puzzles before the inevitable gas attack sets in. Host: Inigo Montoya. With the June Taylor Dancers.
Ch. 14 NEWS WITH NOBBY–Well, it says “news,” doesn’t it?
So who’s Nobby? The invisible anchor man! The faceless interviewer! That thing you were always afraid you’d turn into if you were bitten by a certain kind of spider! Tonight: fifth-rank GOP presidential candidates are reduced to tears and shudders by Nobby’s penetrating questions. Plus sports and weather with the disembodied voices of Warner Wolf and Brigitte Crumbly.
7:30 P.M. Ch. 27 MOVIE–A trip to the Moon in more ways than one
Isabel Pinata and Jimmy Durante star as tragical lovers in Bust My Pinata, Sucker! (Papuan, 1973: 565 minutes, not counting mandatory commercials). Make sure you don’t miss that little bit with Alfred Hitchcock trying to get out of this movie before anyone thinks he directed it! Featured Song: “The Hills Are Alive With the Sound of Very Large Invertebrates,” sung by Nicky the Parrot.
Folks, that’s just a sample of the avant-garde TV we’ve lined up for you here at Quokka U.! Do you know there’s an actual head of state who watches all our shows and uses them as a source of ideas for public policy? I’m not allowed to give you his or her name, though…
One more swim, and then it’s TV time! Byron the Quokka, signing off.
G’day Byron. It is amazing how you keep up with all this. I couldn’t do it.
Good on ya’.
How about O Come Let Us Adore Him if you haven’t already posted.
Is that “Adeste Fideles”? Never mind, I’ll post it anyway.