G’day, next-to-the-last day of the year! Byron the Quokka here, with this year’s last batch of fabulous weekend TV brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s a few samples.
4:30 P.M. Ch. 09 ‘ARE WE IDIOTS?’–Panel Discussion
We’ve been waiting all year for this! Prominent newsmakers wrestle with the most important question of all–“Are we idiots?” Moderator: A very large dog with sharp teeth. Tonight’s panel: Chuck Schumer, William H. Frogg, Nancy Pelosi, Ellen Melon. They all say “No!”, but you know how they lie.
Ch. 12 SCIENCE MARCHES ON!–Sort of a documentary
Which breakthrough will come first? Teaching dogs to operate heavy machinery, or finding a use for a bachelor’s degree in Gender Studies? Expert interviews with the guy who parks your car for you, and the June Taylor Dancers.
5 P.M. Ch. 23 HERCULES’ KITCHEN–Indescribable
What would you get if you mixed old Steve Reeves movies with a modern cooking show and had it all put together by people who don’t communicate with each other? Let’s face it–when a Cyclops invades your kitchen, you’d better hope Hercules is there! Zeus: Andy Devine. Hera: Sandy Duncan. Embocles the Coccyx Doctor: Raymond Burr.
Ch. 41 MOVIE–Torn from the headlines
Arlene Schlubb and Jimmy Headlong are star-crossed lovers in You Can’t Get Married Without Green Stamps (Independent Serbian Film Corp., 1998; 656 minutes). This is the movie Alfred Hitchcock denied having had anything to do with! In fact, the actual director is still not known; it seems the Screen Actors Guild put out a contact on him. Guest star: Sybil Bibble. Music by General Mills.
Well, boys ‘n’ girls, that’ll just about do it for 2023! I’m here to tell you, BTW, that anything with Sybil Bibble in it is pure gold. If you’ve ever seen that commercial she did for Basque Country Turtle Food, you’ll know what I mean.
Don’t worry–I don’t eat enough Basque Country for this to happen.
Byron the Quokka signing off: see yiz next year!
‘ARE WE IDIOTS?’–Panel Discussion – Who wouldn’t want to watch this laugh fest? I can already imagine tears flowing from my eyes at the comments my wife & I can make watching this one. SCIENCE MARCHES ON!–Sort of a documentary – I have a feeling those dogs will actually be AI robots who look more like dogs than dogs do. HERCULES’ KITCHEN–Indescribable – I don’t see how this show cannot end in a food fight. MOVIE–Torn from the headlines – This movie might qualify an Oscar material in the Comedy category if they would only cut it down about 100 minutes. Good selections, Byron. Looks like the University is doing great guns (even though you can’t have guns down under.